Two updates that I couldn't make up!

[Hiddenjem]

One is on dh's mom.

She gave her credit card to not nurse sister of dh to buy some groceries that she likes and her daughter came back with two items that weren't on her list. The items cost 6 dollars in total. Well, dh's mom freaked out and was angry. Yet, her daughter buys all the food and shares it with her mom and doesn't ask for money. Her mom is not contributing to home expenses or paying her daughter.

I am not even a fan of not the nurse sibling of dh! However, 6 dollars toward whatever is nothing compared to the cost of a nursing home! She has plenty of money and could be contributing to the household! She isn't being grateful and calls her nurse daughter crying everyday saying she doesn't want to be her sister's house anymore.

Then, his mom called the nurse daughter and told her about her other daughter's other "horrible actions." The nurse daughter went off about and text dh a LONG text about how horrible not a nurse sister is because of the SIX dollar grocery store purchase.

How did she find out? His mom dug on their garbage for the receipt and CAUGHT her daughter being "bad."

Wow, these people are "special."

And the other one...

The nurse sister claim to have ocd and likes to play victim,

She text dh the other demanding he come over and play "husband doing chores duty for her." He told her that he was busy.

She text him later that day a SHOCKING text.

I almost posted it here but instead deleted it because dh handed me his phone and said that his sister was stressing him out.

She said the following "basically" summarizing...

-she feels like he isn't family anymore

-she didn't like being told he was busy

-she decided "to give him a extension on the husband like to do list" and listed SO MANY crazy and insane tasks. She wants all of her furniture rearranged in every room and even moved to different floors just because and many, many more tasks. Oh, she is "allowing" him a chance to still help her and "be family" again and he has until April to complete the "husband like punch list...."

He didn't respond and I deleted the text. He asked me to summarize it for him. I said she lost her mind and thinks that you are her husband.

She is jealous of the fact that her brother has a wife and family and feels entitled to be number one in her life. It makes her angry that she isn't number one in the entire world! Why isn't she the Queen of the Universe?

It is the same person who opted to not go a doctor appointment on time because she didn't feel "pretty enough" yet when getting ready. When she arrived at the appointment, they said she missed her appointment nd was over 15 minutes late. She tossed a HUGE screaming fit that she didn't feel pretty yet at the time of the appointment and they needed to wait. Why she has OCD and the scheduled appointment should be ignored and they should of waited for her to arrive feeling pretty.

Then, she blew up social media on how bad the office is for doing that to her and said she would never go back. She felt like a victim.

Oh, I need to get away from these people! Dh tells me these things and he sees them for who they are. He is ready to move away from the characters that technically are related to him! HE is DONE!

Oh his twin brother, is now demanding accountability of every penny that Dh has spent paying his mom's bills out of her account. He flat out accused him of stealing and is playing "judge" from across the country. While he still knows everything (and if dh is so not trustworthy according to him) why doesn't he move back here since he works from home and deal with all the stuff?

Nope, he would rather judge from afar.

He and the rest of the relatives of Dh will have such a freak out when their punching bag/ servant, free therapy person goes bye bye and writes them off as much as possible. He can't block anyone until his mom passes and the estate is settled. I say he should hand the check book over to one of the know it all siblings and let them be executer (sp?) and the one making medical decisions like life support etc.

The not a nurse sister is refusing the role but yet Dh does everything wrong and isn't good enough. Why doesn't he just jump when she says boo and he is her pretend husband!

Crazy situations.... Those special people.....

Anyone going to his mom's funeral for pure entertainment when it happens? Don't worry joking! I will pop the popcorn and know that it will be the quite the show that no one will ever forget!

Thanks for reading

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I am working on packing. Lists are made, decorating planning is being drawn out (by me)and changed, color themes, practical storage ideas, etc...

Ideas so far...

-going with a buttery yellow mixed with bright colors/ flowers/ my plants/ horse theme in living room / the couch is buttery yellow leather as is the chair / the coffee table and side table is oak/ a fake tree will be on the other side of the couch/ they will face a smart tv across the room sitting on some kind of furniture

-bedroom the white headboard bed with storage under it (color theme off white / purple/ tan/ buttery yellow, etc) two side tables, two lamps, and smart television sits on white furniture opposite of the end of the bed against the wall

-kitchen is going to be KY theme (where I am from) mixed with color rugs on floor / plants in the window / a smart tv will be on the counter

Or it will be in the garage / attached garage plans/ large shelves along the back wall, a work out area for me/ a rv outdoor carpet to roll out when no car in the garage for work outs/ packing mini trampoline, hula hoop/ hand weights, exercise ball, and work out gloves with grips and opening for fingers / work out idea books/ a sitting area option of two nice folding wooden chairs with a matching table that also folds up when we opt to spent time in the garage or he might want to enjoy some time alone on a different floor than me sometimes. i might want a break from all the togetherness in a 1 bedroom apartment and can work out in the garage and watch online workout videos and get some toning done!

Yes, there is a gym there but it is nice having another one to myself like here at home.

The bathroom will be pink shower curtain (blush pink) flowers on counter/ pink hand towels, etc

The walls of the apartment are tan and the floor is carpeted with flecks of brown. It is a high pile carpet. The kitchen is very neutral and the cabinets and the fridge are white. It seems like there are plenty of cabinets.

It has a laundry room in the apartment but we provide the washer and dry and we are doing so. The closets are a big coat closet, a rectangle sliding door closet in bedroom with 2 racks / shelves

I noticed a linen closet and storage under the sink in the bathroom.

We are packing many lamps (4 tall ones stick on round base types)

two for next to bed

one for the kitchen

insulated tan curtains for sliding glass doors to patio (packing these versus that vertical blinds that come with the apartment)

Plant rack for in front of half the sliding door on patio door

corner plant shelf for real

ALL my plants and trees

The tropical trees go in front the bar stool area with a plant light on the surface

the regular plants will be throughout the apartment on plant stands, plant shelves etc

I have 4 sun lamps for the plants and tree

Also, one fake tree to one side of the couch with clear lights woven into it

Oh, I lost weight and am working on losing a bit more and toning up. It started with cutting out sugar, then I had strep, and then I started eating two small meals a day

I also have to sort stuff that my daughter left behind, get out of our way, giving her 75 percent of our yarn collection, and I am keeping only my favorite colors in the kind and 100 percent in dish cloth cotton yarn for knitting.

We need to remove the oak end table and oak coffee table that is blocked by daughter moving in, and out twice stuff/ plus almost getting married stuff/ move out the leather butter yellow chair and matching love seat.....

My head is spinning with ideas of what to pack and what to leave here...

Off to add look for 4 pillow cases that match the comforter that we already own.

Shopping at home takes on a whole new meaning when you have moved from a house twice the size of your current home! Then, store some of the furniture and art work in the basement. Then, move to a one bedroom apartment..... getting smaller and smaller...

BUT getting further away from the relatives of DH!

We can watch a bird feeder from our balcony and the forest. The kitchen window looks out into a large tree!

Off to look at pictures of the model apartment for ideas of what to pack /what to leave here/ and little details......

Thanks for reading. I am tired... 17 days until we load up a moving truck and LEAVE!

We will miss the boys though. It is 3 hours away so we can't be running home every weekend. Our daughter will be 3 hours away from there as well where she lives. Right now she is 50 minutes away.

take care!

[Hiddenjem]

The only thing that we are needing to buy for the apartment is a water filter pitcher, and a washing machine (we already have an extra dryer here to take with us.)

We can gift the extra washer and dryer to one of the adult children who move out of the house and when we buy another house. Then, we can take our current washer and dryer with us to the new house.

[Hiddenjem]

The nurse sister has text him now twice DEMANDING to know what date he is promising to complete her "husband" like honey do list that she wrote out for him. He didn't respond to her. He can't be her hero/ servant, etc.

She wants him to rearrange ALL the furniture in her house. She wants all the upstairs furniture moved upstairs and downstairs stuff moved downstairs on a 3 story house!

Plus, much more!

He has a wife, a home, a family, and we are busy getting ready to move! We have a lot to do in the next 16 days! She is NOT that important in the scheme of things. Her dream would be for me to tell her off for her to play victim about how cruel the world is to her.

He handed me his phone, started reading her texts and then said "fix it." She is emotionally draining him. I deleted her demanding text and left the one the mentally healthy sounding ones that weren't asking too much. I can understand sharing her concern about their mom's health, and that doesn't bother him.

The horror show of living here for the last 9 years has been eventful to say the least!

Thanks for coming along for the ride and making it more bearable Melody and Why Oh Why. We have all dealt with so much!

Thank you to those who "listen" by reading my posts on the home page and forums as well!

I wonder if his relatives would have broken me emotionally if I hadn't had the support I found here and I could have personalized it all.

I did do some stress eating, gain a few pounds, realize it, lose it again. Repeat. I never did that stuff before dealing with living here.

Now, I have 10 pounds to go, some more toning to do and am on my way to a better life AWAY from them!

In the other state, people seem nicer! A stranger in a store complimented my dress. People walking dogs said hi and smiled! People there don't seem angry, paranoid and mean!

I think that his relatives spread fake rumors about me before we moved here and I never stood a chance at making a friend or having a good experience here.

The stores are closer to the new home (apartment for 2 years at least) compared to 30 to 60 minutes from here.

Yet, the apartment is on the edge of a city and has green space, a forest and NO ONE related to DH! Yay!

Buffer zones are beautiful!

Warmly,

Me

[Hiddenjem]

Update: The nurse sister in law keeps reaching out to my husband asking for him to do things for her!

I keep on deleting her text messages from his phone that are demands on his time. He doesn't have time to help her!

We are leaving in a certain number of days and he is working up until the last day at his current job! He only has a few hours a night to do his part for us to be ready for the move!

He already told her that he has enough of his own stuff to do! It is mostly falling on me for packing lists, gathering the not heavy items, organizing the items, etc.

I am taking my bike that has a metal basket in it and a liner. Hopefully, our 12 pound small dog (and only dog) will enjoy bike rides with me. We haven't tried this with her yet!

Tonight he was working on doing steps to make moving day easier and she was texting him a to do request!

She won't respect our deadline to move so delete to any request for assistance from him!

Dh says that I have been smiling since I learned we were moving! I even have my bounce back in my step!

He hasn't seen me smile much in the last 9 years of living near "those people" related to him. I gained 20 pounds many times and lost it again from stress eating. Then, repeat.

Now, I am 8 pounds from my healthy BMi and I have lost 15 so far "this time."

I hope that everyone is doing well!

[Melody]

Congratulations Hiddengem! I'm so happy for you! What a welcomed and wonderful change and your new place sounds wonderful! I live in a woodsy area right on a pond and love it. I'm not a dog owner (we have cats) but lots of neighbors do and they are often out walking. It sounds like you will be very happy there for all of the reasons you mentioned and for the wonderful fresh start.

No doubt the IL's will still annoy you but it will be from afar. I know you're busy but you may want to consider scanning MIL's account activity and receipts and having DH sending it to BIL and cc:ing the sisters and even MIL's email. DH should tell BIL to take it over. Either BIL does or he shuts up, either way it would be a win.

So there's a big mystery here. Why is nurse sister single? HA! Just in case you forget toliet paper in the move, you'll have SIL's list until you have a chance to get to the store.

[Hiddenjem]

Melody,

The funny image of his sister's honey do list as possible bathroom paper is priceless! Thank you for the smile and laughter that resulted from that image!

I just told Dh and he laughed and said thank you as well! He said we would have enough to share with the neighbors as well if they were low on bathroom paper as well!

The woods view will be so pretty year round!

I appreciate you!

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General Update

The nurse sister was sending him inappropriate boyfriend-like texts demanding that he declare his love for her and he was foolish to leave. The texts kept coming about the very important LONG to do list of things at her house for him to start and she needed for him to declare that he loves her. She needed a completion date goal from him on the to do list.

Then, came a VERY bold text saying in giant letters, "I need to know that you love me. I need to know how you feel. I can't go on if you don't love me." My reaction was tempted to take the phone from him and text him from myself saying back off he is married! He isn't into you that way and won't have that role in your life! He said he would deal with her. He did.

He followed up with a text to her saying, "This is getting creepy. You are my sister. Of course, I love you as a sibling but it isn't appropriate to text me the way you have been demanding to hear if I love you or not.

Also, I am moving away. I will be unable to help you on the to do list at your house."

She FREAKED out and called him and gave the longest ever "poor me speech" ever! It started with, I guess I am all alone in the world now. I have no one.... Blah blah blah......"

His not a nurse sister and brother have ganged up on my husband and he called them out on calling them "the (his name) and (her name) team." The funny part is that they keep group texting/ bullying him/ judging him/ calling him a failure/ trying to dump their mom on us/ on his WORK phone! The ones that he is about to turn into his job when he has his last day!

They will think that he blocked them but no they are texting the wrong phone! : )

Melody, I will share what you suggested with him. He has been saying that if their mom wanted them to know how much money she had that she would told them. He is the only adult child that she can trust with money.

The not a nurse sister, thinks that Dh's job is to make all the other siblings happy by having the roles that his mom assigned him. Yet, she works as a court reporter? How does she not know any law basics!

His role is to pay her bills, sign off on medical decisions, and do the final paperwork stuff when his mom dies.

Oh, the nurse sister asked him to be her emergency contact. He told her that she needs to be aware that he is going to live 3 hours away and can't just drive back to help her. She said that if he said no that she would have no one for a emergency contact.

She reached out saying please at least fix my leaking sink. I told him that I would go with him. He fixed her sink.

Then,he listened to her ramble on and on (repeat.) I noticed how entitled she really is and while listening to her drone on and on.

My foot fell asleep and I started pacing back and forth. Then, side to side. She was still talking glaring at me every so often for daring to be his wife instead of her. I was taking him away.

Then, I made eye contact with my husband thinking that it was time to go and he nodded at me in a way to say that he agreed and told her we needed to go.

Something is lining up nicely! Remember, the not a nurse sister who demanded to dump their mom on us to live with us or for my husband to have undone all of her hoarding in her home situation?

He told her that we are moving in a text in response.

Then, she must have reached out to their brother and the group text bullying started with the brother defending not a nurse sister from "bad" person (my husband) for saying no to taking in their mother even though his sister demanded it.

He told them simply, "I have faith in you that you will make the right decisions that work for you and your family (regarding if she opted to continue caring for their mom or not.) If they want to put her in a home, she can afford it. He will write out the checks to pay for her care.

He did not agree to undo the hoarding in her home nor take over for their mom's care as part of being willing to play this role for his mom at this stage in her life.

The nurse sister is very against having their mom in a home. Yet, she doesn't want to live with her.

The "hornets nest" will continue to buzz after we move away but we will be far away! He will write the checks, pay her bills, and they can just be "hornets."

I taught one of my adult male children how to cook using the Instant Pot versus just the gas stove top and oven. He is loving it! He has made rice and beans, many soups, etc!

We are taking the fish, the dog, my tropical trees, and all my plants. Now, I am on the packing things in a box stage of moving!

At least we have his nurse sister's extra long list if we forgot bathroom paper! : )

We sold a car that no one is driving today to get it out of our driveway.

The nurse sister will be leaving to go somewhere the day before we actually pack the moving truck and say bye to "the hornets nest" except to come back to get the house ready to sale in a year or two.

The older son was talking about buying the house but keeps on trying to get us to promise to make the price "really low" to the point we couldn't buy another one. I told him that we aren't wealthy and need to be able to buy another home, It is okay if the time doesn't work out for you to be ready to buy the house a fair and reasonable price.

His first offer was one hundred dollars! He is 24 years old!

Then, he offered another number. His offer was almost half the value of the house with one acre!

I told him that it was okay if the house was not as affordable as wished it was for his first home. He will find the perfect place to call his first home and it will work out for the best.

It might be for the best if he doesn't buy the house even if he finds well paying job right after graduating. He did the math on the house payment if we sold the house to him for half of the homes value and said that was even too much for him. He didn't want to have a one thousand dollars a month payment.

We aren't pressuring him to buy the house. I told him that we will be able to sale the house easily because it is in a good school district, the land, the area etc. He will find the perfect housing for himself and his future wife. It will work out. We aren't giving the house away and not having housing ourselves though! I mean putting ourselves in a bad housing situation! We want to still live in a home and have a yard for the dog etc!

Thanks for reading my update!

[WhyOhWhy]

Well, where to begin?! lol
I know I'm not saying anything you don't already know. It sounds good to hear it again sometimes though!

1.) Yes, DH could be kept in the loop of MIL's health, but it does NOT need to include SIL trying to triangulate the other sister and your husband, attempting to pit one against the other and then demanding your husband pick up some perceived slack and/or sort out the other sister. If the other sister could be sorted out by simply telling her to straighten up and fly right, then I suspect that would have happened long ago.

2.) It's not DH's responsibility to complete ANY kind of honey-do list. If the item is of critical importance and DH feels it is a fair item for him to contribute towards, I'm sure he'd be happy to throw some money for them to hire someone to do it, or pay for some materials, etc. Having said that, it should make sense and not be some arbitrary frivolous item that he doesn't agree to.

3.) SIl should not be demanding and/or abusive in texts to her brother. It's completely inappropriate as well as very unlikely to motivate him to help in any way. I suppose she'll eventually figure that out. We do that with the IL's (only respond to the non-fucky messages and ignore the rest).

I am SO thrilled for you, I can't even express it. Just seeing your excitement as you plan out your apartment...I can feel the delight in every stroke of your keyboard as I read your plans. I was there not so long ago, so I know that EXACT feeling of relief as you watch the rearview mirror behind you. I promise you, life is great on the other side! Sure, there are life challenges just like anywhere else but we don't have the added stress of The Arsewipes being dicks at every turn. ENJOY the process and then ENJOY the end result!!!

Also, for what it's worth I feel the exact same way. This site has been a godsend for me for quite some time. I've entrusted so much to some of you personally, and so much to everyone as a whole. I couldn't have done it without this support and knowing that I'm not alone. Luv ya fellow sisters. We're all in this together

[Hiddenjem]

WhyOhWhy,

Thank you for your message, your time, consideration and supportive words.

I really appreciate you helping me make it through the journey to get to this place.

Dh is giving up on all of his relatives, even his twin brother, and I know what that feels like. It is freeing yet it is a loss of having hope in those people.

He is excited about us riding our (regular) bikes together with our dog in the basket of my bike in the better weather!

We are leaving the "hornet's nest." He is no longer the "peace maker" of those people. Now, he is realistic and is just "living and let live" from AFAR.... The best place to be with people like them! HOURS away!

Warmly,

Hiddenjem

[WhyOhWhy]

I'm SO excited for you guys. Seriously, SO EXCITED. Life will be so much freer and joyful. Can you imagine riding your bikes unmolested?! Oh the possibilities!

I know I've been a broken record on here, but life is so much better on the other side.

I totally understand what you mean about your husband giving up on them. Mine has as well. I have even made the suggestion that he call, msg, or visit and he didn't want to do that. They finally pushed the last, wrong buttons with him.

Please keep us updated. Even from afar the arseholes still manage to play games and be dicks, and I'm sure yours will as well. The best part, though, is knowing you can hang up the phone and go back to your day and pretend it never happened.