Dh admitted it

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Hiddenjem
Nuclear
Posts: 2385
Joined: Sat Nov 19, 2011 8:06 am

Dh admitted it

Post by Hiddenjem » Wed Jan 12, 2022 11:31 am

I suspected that Dh was dealing with taking care of his mom guilt because his dad passed. I knew it but knew it was something else.

The other day, (before she went to stay with his nurse sister across town ) she called him when we were in the city. She had a leaky faucet or something not urgent . He told her that he would be over in a few hours to fix it.

After returning home, he called her saying that he was about to go fix the leak. She said she called someone else and it is fixed. He told me that he felt upset that she couldn’t wait. He wants to be the “only one” who helps her.

I asked him why? Why can’t others help her some as well? Does he get a prize for doing “everything?”

He didn’t know. He was stunned that I asked.

I think from psychology knowledge I have researched that he is putting his self worth on being “good son” and being the “only one who is there for his mom.” It has nothing to do with helping her! He is using her being “alone” to make himself look good!

He was secretly upset with her for not waiting for him to “save the day.” 🙄 He was acting a little frustrated with her on the phone for calling someone else who was willing and nearby to help!

The fact is that it is better for everyone if she uses all of her resources verses relying only on dh for help with every little and big thing that comes up!

It isn’t just about being there for his widowed mother and making his dad “proud.”

I find this to be concerning and am still pondering why it makes me uneasy.

Opinions? What do you think?

I feel like I am missing something…. I seems logical what I figured out but there is more to the picture.

I remember when we moved here that his mom practically flirted with him saying that he was “just like dad. He is his dad all over again.” She was even batting her eye lashes and looking at him like little girl with her first crush!

She manipulates him and others. I bet she says the same thing to other people (or something like it) to get what she wants from them.

His mom knows I see through her and always have had the ability. It is why she targeted me to be a social outcast and didn’t want a healthy daughter in law and mother in law relationship. She never was mentally healthy enough to be part of a healthy relationships. I was a threat because I knew the truth about her and her family.

His dad didn’t like me because I spoke the truth about the alcoholism that seems to run in families. They didn’t like that I don’t drink alcohol. I mentioned a family history of alcohol from my alleged birth family. I opt to not drink and told them my future children wouldn’t drink alcohol period ideally with the family history.

His dad was livid and informed me that any Italians could handle alcohol and that doesn’t apply to future children. I pointed out that dh is only 50 percent Italian because his mom is 0 Italian. He is half Irish like I am! Plus, American Indian which tends to have a hard time with additive substances based on statistics at reservations!

Then, his dad got rid of the beer keg in his garage because his wife / dh’s mom was living off beer.

His dad never spoke me to again and died years later.

Years later, Dh now admits that his birth family is prone to alcoholism! It “only” took 27 years!

He still won’t admit that his nurse sister has a issue with it even after a drinking and driving history!

We live in the county; and I am isolated. The community here is doesn’t accept people from “other places.” They seem to think the world is flat and ends at the state line!

Thanks for reading!
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou

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