Situation
Moderators: Phred, willthetruthbetold, meimei
Re: She broke up with him
Jem, I am so sorry! But I hope there will be happier times ahead for DD, and for your whole family. If she broke up with the boyfriend, it was the right thing to do.
Re: She broke up with him
It is a tough situation
Last edited by Hiddenjem on Sat Aug 26, 2017 12:10 am, edited 1 time in total.
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou
Re: She broke up with him
Sorry Hiddengem. Your DD had to do this for a lot of reasons. BF was holding her back and it would have only gotten worse. She would have married him, and been trapped on a number of levels, and then it would have gotten worse with children.
On the very off chance this was meant to be, BF would make drastic drastic change like cutting off his family - but what are the chances of that ever happening/
On the very off chance this was meant to be, BF would make drastic drastic change like cutting off his family - but what are the chances of that ever happening/
Re: She broke up with him
Her doubts will be a temporary thing. BF was not a real man and pressuring someone to do something they are not ready for makes him a bully as well.
DD and yourself will help each other through this, you are a great Mom and of course you are sad for her.
DD will find someone who respects her, has the same outlook on life and wants to be a partner in their relationship.
I hope her busy schedule will make it easier on her sooner rather than later.
DD and yourself will help each other through this, you are a great Mom and of course you are sad for her.
DD will find someone who respects her, has the same outlook on life and wants to be a partner in their relationship.
I hope her busy schedule will make it easier on her sooner rather than later.
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WatchingMyBack
- Nuclear
- Posts: 1314
- Joined: Tue Apr 25, 2006 6:14 pm
- Location: New York State
Re: She broke up with him
HJ, I applaud your DD for taking control and putting an end to what was a bad relationship.
The fact that he was pressuring her to be intimate when she has made it clear she doesn't want that, is reason enough. Wouldn't we all like to turn back the clock on things we were pressured to do that we later regretted? Well, she won't have that regret and I am SO happy for her.
I know you liked this BF and he had many good qualities, but the negatives tipped the scales. This chat board exists because of families like his. Mothers like his.
No break-up is ever easy. Most humans are change resistant or fear change. I believe the change will be good for HER, and she is the only one in that relationship that I personally care about the feelings of.
Now she is free to be herself and be open to a relationship that isn't an IL disaster in the making.
The fact that he was pressuring her to be intimate when she has made it clear she doesn't want that, is reason enough. Wouldn't we all like to turn back the clock on things we were pressured to do that we later regretted? Well, she won't have that regret and I am SO happy for her.
I know you liked this BF and he had many good qualities, but the negatives tipped the scales. This chat board exists because of families like his. Mothers like his.
No break-up is ever easy. Most humans are change resistant or fear change. I believe the change will be good for HER, and she is the only one in that relationship that I personally care about the feelings of.
Now she is free to be herself and be open to a relationship that isn't an IL disaster in the making.
“Make no judgments where you have no compassion.”
Re: She broke up with him
Melody, Irshlass, Watchingmyback,
Thank you.
I appreciate all of you.
I don't like change and don't deal with it well.
Thank you.
I appreciate all of you.
I don't like change and don't deal with it well.
Last edited by Hiddenjem on Sat Aug 26, 2017 12:27 am, edited 2 times in total.
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou
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WatchingMyBack
- Nuclear
- Posts: 1314
- Joined: Tue Apr 25, 2006 6:14 pm
- Location: New York State
Re: She broke up with him
HJ, my ODS dated a girl while he was in law school that we absolutely detested.
He was very besotted with her for 2 years, despite everyone (not just us, but his roommate and his friends) that she was self centered and just using him. Everything was always about her.
He found out she had cheated on him with her ex boy friend. ODS was devasted. It was painful to see how hurt he was. About a month later he got himself a puppy and that helped fill the void a little.
Then OSD found DIL. As different from stupid GF as night is from day. Everyone loves DIL. She is the BEST thing that has happened to ODS. Now that they have GS, it is even better.
We are SO happy he didn't stay with that horrible girl. Thank goodness he found out about her cheating and was finally able to see her for who we all saw she was.
Your DD will find her soul mate. That BF wasn't it. He was just a lesson she had to learn.
PS - He still has the dog. She is 12 years old now and in ill health. It will be a sad, sad day when she is gone.
He was very besotted with her for 2 years, despite everyone (not just us, but his roommate and his friends) that she was self centered and just using him. Everything was always about her.
He found out she had cheated on him with her ex boy friend. ODS was devasted. It was painful to see how hurt he was. About a month later he got himself a puppy and that helped fill the void a little.
Then OSD found DIL. As different from stupid GF as night is from day. Everyone loves DIL. She is the BEST thing that has happened to ODS. Now that they have GS, it is even better.
We are SO happy he didn't stay with that horrible girl. Thank goodness he found out about her cheating and was finally able to see her for who we all saw she was.
Your DD will find her soul mate. That BF wasn't it. He was just a lesson she had to learn.
PS - He still has the dog. She is 12 years old now and in ill health. It will be a sad, sad day when she is gone.
“Make no judgments where you have no compassion.”
Re: She broke up with him
After reading your list of reasons, I can only say that I am proud of your daughter, and hope that one day if our daughter is faced with a similar set of circumstances, she would make the same decision.
Re: She broke up with him
Watchingmyback,
Thank you so much! It helped hearing that your ods found someone better.
I am glad the first one didn't become the mother of your gs!
I hope his old dog lives lomger than they predict with her health issues without suffering. Please keep us posted. One of our dogs is old and we treasure each day with him.
Foxmanb,
Thank you! I cried I was so touched by your sweet message. I think that your daughter will have high expectations of how she wants to be treated well because of having a good dad like yourself!
Thank you so much! It helped hearing that your ods found someone better.
I am glad the first one didn't become the mother of your gs!
I hope his old dog lives lomger than they predict with her health issues without suffering. Please keep us posted. One of our dogs is old and we treasure each day with him.
Foxmanb,
Thank you! I cried I was so touched by your sweet message. I think that your daughter will have high expectations of how she wants to be treated well because of having a good dad like yourself!
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou
Re: it happened
I hope that your DD finds happiness. She deserves better than that guy and his family.
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Photomama16
- Fuming
- Posts: 105
- Joined: Sun Jan 15, 2017 8:59 pm
Re: it happened
Tell your DD she did the right thing. He and his family were not good for her. I hope she will find someone absolutely amazing that treats her like a queen and has wonderful parents to boot.
Re: it happened
How is DD doing, now that it's been about a month?
Re: Situation
I haven't been around for a while and missed answering the question Mommarama. I am sorry. It was kind of you to ask it.
Thank you everyone for the support, kind words and encouragement for her. I appreciate it.
She is still single and is no contact "with him."
The good.....
She works full time in the medical field for what she studied to do.
The people she works are pleasant enough. They don't include her in outside work plans though. They are close knit.
She has learned to speak German and has knitted two nice sweaters.
She bought her dream car.
She eats lunch in the cafeteria at the hospital verses the the break area of her limited people department. One would think that this would lead to making male friendships that could
However....
Men say hi to her in the hallway. She says hi back.
But.....
That is it!
Not one man has expressed interest in her or asked her out. Not a one.
She feels lonely. She is living life in a happy and positive way and hasn't let herself go in appearance.
She hasn't had one date or even a good conversation with a single male since she ended her engagement with him.
She is pretty, wife material, educated wirh a good job. However, she is single and lonely.
I hope everyone is well.
Thank you everyone for the support, kind words and encouragement for her. I appreciate it.
She is still single and is no contact "with him."
The good.....
She works full time in the medical field for what she studied to do.
The people she works are pleasant enough. They don't include her in outside work plans though. They are close knit.
She has learned to speak German and has knitted two nice sweaters.
She bought her dream car.
She eats lunch in the cafeteria at the hospital verses the the break area of her limited people department. One would think that this would lead to making male friendships that could
However....
Men say hi to her in the hallway. She says hi back.
But.....
That is it!
Not one man has expressed interest in her or asked her out. Not a one.
She feels lonely. She is living life in a happy and positive way and hasn't let herself go in appearance.
She hasn't had one date or even a good conversation with a single male since she ended her engagement with him.
She is pretty, wife material, educated wirh a good job. However, she is single and lonely.
I hope everyone is well.
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou
Re: Situation
Has she tried any online dating websites? My wife and I met via eHarmony way back in 2004. She's an introvert and I'm an extrovert, but with us both being a bit socially awkward, doing the online thing worked out really well. There can be a lot of "misses" going that route, but it only takes one "hit" to make it all worth it.
And if she just wants to test the waters, she might look for local meetups of people with similar interests. I have several friends who met their spouses that way.
I've always felt it was more difficult to find/date someone at work because it can get SUPER awkward if things don't work out. Obviously, it can work out great, but it sounds like she might want to add some other options.
And if she just wants to test the waters, she might look for local meetups of people with similar interests. I have several friends who met their spouses that way.
I've always felt it was more difficult to find/date someone at work because it can get SUPER awkward if things don't work out. Obviously, it can work out great, but it sounds like she might want to add some other options.
Fred
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