I Hate My Inlaws!

Not hate; just irritation

Posted on Mon, Dec. 04, 2017 at 11:32 pm

Sorry if you are scrolling through here and stumble upon my story, expecting full on hate speech. Really, my mother-in-law is a cool lady, and we get along alright, but lately (after 4 weeks of her staying on our couch, visiting) I am starting to get irritated by her presence.

She's not loud, she cooks and cleans up after herself, she isn't nosy or rude...just staying on our sofa. Look, we live in a one bedroom house, our room is right next to the living room where she's staying, so having sex or talking freely is strained. It's a small space for three people.

These past couple weeks I have been going to class and working, and my husband has too. She's new to this country, so she's getting the hang of things. But now, 4 weeks after she's arrived here, she's getting comfortable not really having to pay for her own place, and being recently divorced, she's happy to be spending more time with her son.

But lately, she's been acting stupid, asking dumb questions, almost flirting with my husband. I try to give them their space and let them go do things together, but I am getting irritated at always having to do things with her (even going out on Friday nights). The first two weeks were cute. But now it's just like, I want my frickin space and sofa back. I want to fuck my husband without trying to be silent or worrying if she is asleep or not.

Thing is, when my husband was telling her that she can find a new place, a room to rent, she got offended. Now she looks at me weird, and I can't stand her presence and her energy. Maybe I'm the one who is overreacting, who is being rude. But the thing is, I've been helping her find a job and taking her to places and doing all these things to help her re-situate in this country, a new place for her and a huge culture shock. I've been patient and understanding, but I also feel like she's monopolizing my time and taking advantage of that. I speak the language and she doesn't, so she comes to me and asks for help with things she should do for her job (like taking tests, etc.) meanwhile I am in my last year of university and in the last two weeks, with many projects and finals looming.

I've come to the end of my patience being extra nice and trying to make a good impression. I'm not really sure what her expectations are, and maybe most of the drama I am making up in my head. But I'm still irritated, nonetheless.

Also, I'm pissed because my husband would never do everything I have done for his mother, with my mother, who has some issues right now. That my mom would NEVER EVER be allowed to stay in our house for 1 day, much less 4 weeks.

I feel jealous that his mother that she will always be the first woman to love him, and even if we break up one day (I hope not) that she will always be ther for him, and provide the love he wants. I realize that is something I need to get over.

But the fact that I am not even spending this quality time with my own mom, who really needs it and help right now makes me sad and angry. My mom is in another part of the country now, so I wouldn't be able to anyways.

I'm not a hateful person, but everyone has limits...boundaries. I'm just getting to the point where she needs to stop depending on her son and I and start thinking about her next move and where she can go to live without having this stupid attitude, that we are kicking her out. Well, we are kicking her out. Even my husband is frustrated, he can't be himself around her, he wants his privacy too.

I just want to be happy with my husband and not feel like she's part of our own little family, like we will need to live with her and help her with everything she is doing now that she's in the same country as us. I am not ready for that responsibility, plus she's a young lady, in her early 40s...she's able to work and meet people and live her life on her own.

It's just funny because my husband, when he was younger, was kicked out of the house by his mother when she was married. And now that karma has come around to bite her in the ass...she doesn't like it.

I just don't want to be the one who is blamed for kicking her out...I mean...I want her to understand and take everything with a grain of salt. That i like her and spending time with her, but I don't need to live with my mother-in-law, and she deserves to have her own space anyways! I mean damn, she lives on a sofa in her son's house...who wants that for very long?

Also...how can she not be understanding? She was married once, twice, I dunno...would she really want to live full time with her past mother in laws? No matter how well they got along? No man...I just feel like I wasn't ever part of the conversation in the first place.

My husband invited her to come here to this country because it's easy to find a job etc etc. And they could be together too. I was told two months ahead of time, but not consulted...just told..."hey, she's coming this date and this date, what do you think?" The fuck do you mean "what do I think?" clearly what I think doesn't matter, she's coming here and I have no say, because if I say what I really think...that she should find a place to live beforehand or stay in a hotel...i'm going to be the bad person because I am trying to separate a mother from her son.

So this is why I am so irritated. It's all the things...jealousy of her spending time with my husband,feeling like my privacy is invaded, feeling guilty that I'm not giving this love and attention to my own mother who really needs it now, feeling like I'm going above and beyond in helping her adjust to this country while I have University to finish and graduate, being forced to spend so many hours of the day with her because we live in the same space, she's not paying rent and using the heater and water more than we use, and I don't know what her judgments are when her son and I fight or make love or whatever, so I feel insecure at the same time. Plus the guilt for her being a nice lady overall and I'm still having all these feelings.

At least I can rant here...

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