My MIL and SIL are selfish while my FIL is dying

Talk about anything and everything in-law related.

Moderators: Phred, willthetruthbetold, meimei

My MIL and SIL are selfish while my FIL is dying

Postby FedupinPhil » Mon Nov 21, 2011 6:56 am

My SIL and MIL are very selfish, ignorant people. My husband has always felt an emotional distance from them, although he loves them a lot, because they can't understand why he e ever left their town to do anything else. His sister couldn't leave home for college, married her high school sweetheart, and has all the same friends for years. My husband also has many childhood friends, but he got an advanced degree and recently became somewhat financially successful after living away from home for a few years.

During those years, his father got sick and developed mild dementia, physically, he is wheelchair bound. We moved back her away from my family to help out. My SIL says she has helped so much, but all she did was ask my MIL to come babysit for her at her house, and my MIL would drag my FIL with her when he was able to walk and do things for himself. My SIL nevers lifts a finger, even when we were dating, my husband and I would do the cooking at her house, cleaning, etc , or her husband would do it after the late shift.

My in laws have a history of selfishness, my MIL and FIL met when they were both married to other people, he had children already. She was living with my FIL and his first wife because she was a young girl and her husband was away. Imaging the first wife's surprise when my MIL got pregnant. Even now my MIL complains that the first wife and his first children aren't very respectful to her. REALLY?

Now my FIL is dying in the ICU, and my SIL and MIL are acting crazy. My SIL's best friend got married last week, and my husband and I decided not to go because we were afraid my FIL would take a turn for the worse while everyone was away. Wedding was only 40 min away, but my husband said he would be too worried, and this way MIL and SIL could relax at the wedding. My MILs response was, I'm glad you're doing it because I don't want him to die alone. !!! Why wouldn't she want to be there if he died??? My SIL was simply angry about it and told me we could get to the hospital n 20 min if needed, which is not true. My husband and I were shocked. Meanwhile, the wedding was near my SILs house. If it is so close, how come she hasn't seen my FIL in over a week? She went to the wedding rehearsal dinner, the wedding, and a child's bday party this past weekend, but didn't come see my FIL.

Now thanksgiving is coming up, and we again want to make sure we spend some time with my FIL. Immediately guilt trips started from my SIL, who always manipulates us and my MIL by using her five yr old daughter as a weapon. She told my husband that if we don't come, it will basically embarrass her daughter because she will have to tell the teacher on Monday whether or not she spent thanksgiving with her family. ??? My husband commented to me is it better for her to go in and tell everyone her grandfather died alone on Thanksgiving? My MIL then approached me and said, why don't we see him in the morning, then have dinner together, since he won't know it is Thanksgiving anyway. I was shocked, first of all, the nurses will tell him, and second, they should be fighting to spend that evening with him. But I know my SIL wishes he would die, she said as much to me and my MIL, separately.

My SIL often uses her daughter to imply we are mean and heartless because we don't spend enough time with them, but never makes an effort to visit us. She claims she can't come to the city, when she came in for her birthday dinner. And didn't even stop by to see her father when she did.

In July, we spent thousand sof dollars to rent a beach house for his family, so his mom could spend a week with our kids and my SILs kids. Well, my SIL not only didn't chip in, she insisted on bringing her best friend, who also didn't chip in. My SIL cannot go anywhere without this girl, who is ten hears younger and has family issues. I think it is because this girl will take care of my SILs kids for her, since she doesn't have her own kids. On top of that, my SIL slept in so that we were taking care of her kids and our twin one yr olds.

Three weeks later, we went to my MILs house to help out, and told my SIL that if she was coming down that weekend, we would be there until noon on sSunday. Well, Sunday morning she called, yelling about why we were leaving so early, my husband doesn't care about the family, and I promised her we would be there all weekend and her five yr old daughter had been promised she would she the twins. And even my MIL had to say that I had said we were leaving at noon.

Turns out SIL was not coming to visit. She was coming with her best friend to dump the kids with my MIL, on top of my MIL taking care of my FIL, and going to a beachfront hotel for two days. Her daughter wanted to be with her, not go to grandma's, and she coaxed her into going by saying that the boys would be there. To keep the peace, I told my husband we should stay, and sure enough, when my five yr old niece got there, she ignored us and the boys, like a normal fie yr old should. She is sweet and there is no reason to think she would throw a tantrum, but my SIL felt guilty.

My MIL is not much better. She would go to a wedding while her husband is in the ICU. She didn't even want to take off from work when he first got admitted, so my husband stayed by my FI!s bedside the whole first week, as he should have. She was more worried about her dog and my husband finally had to tell her that my FIL is a human, the dog is just a dog. She has taken care of my FIL on her own, but that is because she lives 2 hrs from all his children because she refuses to seek their home to pay for additional home health care. She spent 40k on SIL's wedding ten years ago, had a boat, two summer homes, and now is out of cash.

This is a long post, but I am frustrated. My husband won't criticize them or stop them from using my niece against us because he says he was absent for so long, that he has no right. My point is that he is here now, and I am a 40 yr old women with a family and a job and I am tired of being guilted. I have a n aunt and uncle with cancer whom I have not seen in months, I don't need to hear tha my life is being run according to a five yr old. And my family is 3000 miles away. We were supposed to spend Xmas with my family this year, but I cancelled so we could be with my FIL, whose own wife and daughter don't want to see him!!!

I haven't even mentioned the children from the first marriage yet. They are so hated by my MIL and SIL, who don't seem to recognize how damaged these children were by how their parents broke up. My MIL was their babysitter, like an older sister, then suddenly she was their stepmom! My FIL was not the worlds greatest father, either...

My husband won't say anything. What should I do? I think we will get divorced over this.
FedupinPhil
 
Posts: 0
Joined: Mon Nov 21, 2011 5:42 am

Return to In-Laws Talk

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot] and 3 guests