Newbie Post/Condensed Story

Talk about anything and everything in-law related.

Moderators: Phred, willthetruthbetold, meimei

Re: Newbie Post/Condensed Story

Postby anonvent » Sun Aug 27, 2017 1:06 pm

Yacky wrote:"I'm not wasting any more time with people that have contempt for me. "

I think that could sum up any justification you could want for cutting off these wackos. All of us try so hard for so long to look the other way and/or try to somehow change our in-laws' obvious contempt for us. I think what we end up realizing is that these are miserable people who had no intentions of accepting us in the first place, and were hell-bent on making sure we knew whenever possible how much contempt they really have for us.

Well, I finally got the memo and stopped trying and went for the cut-off. For my own happiness and sanity, I needed to move on with my life and stop playing the little games my in-laws love to play. I now focus my energies on my husband and children along with my own family and circle of friends.

Naturally, it does still sting, and sometimes when my husband still has interactions with them the BS rears its head, but I still refuse to be in contact with them and leave the shit-show for my husband to deal with. He's the one interested in contact, so he can enjoy the BS. Of course, the consequence of that has been that he also doesn't want to deal with them anymore either. Huhn, go figure. :lol: 8)


Yes, so true! This latest incident opened my eyes, finally. They never liked me nor wanted a genuine relationship with me.

I don't want anything to do with them. DH can enjoy them as much as he wants, without me. Ha! I honestly think he knows exactly what they are but doesn't want to admit to me or himself. He did tell me they are the reason we moved far away from home when we got married.

I just want to move on past this anger I've been holding onto. I'm tired of dwelling on it. It has consumed me these past few weeks.
anonvent
Annoyed
 
Posts: 20
Joined: Tue Aug 22, 2017 12:38 am

Re: Newbie Post/Condensed Story

Postby mamarama » Thu Aug 31, 2017 4:31 pm

Welcome! The others are right; we all aren't on this site for a lack of trying. Some have given up, but hope does burn eternally.

anonvent wrote:Aslo: DH brought up to me that while SIL was here during that last visit that she brought up another old girlfriend to him. She is friends with her on social media and I guess she feels the need to keep DH informed of their communications and what's going on in the ex's life (she is still single, has a high paying job, etc.). I just laughed. He just doesn't get it. This lunatic comes into our home and brings up an ex girlfriend from the 90s. lol!!!! I'm not jealous at all of any of these women. I think it's just pathetic SIL STILL brings them up after us being married for a over a decade. Whenever I visit with my family they don't bring up my ex's. I can only imagine what else she comes up with talk to him about that I don't know about.


Has he told her to knock it off? That she is not to come into the home he shares with his WIFE and talk about his past lovers? She isn't stupid. Well, yeah she is, but she knows EXACTLY what she's doing when she says these things. She's trying to undermine your relationship. And she's not showing any respect for you or her brother.

While he's at it, he should tell her that your finances are none of her !@#$% business, what you do with your money is none of her business. The only thing that is her business is what SHE chooses to do with HER money. No room for argument, discussion, or debate.
mamarama
Nuclear
 
Posts: 1268
Joined: Thu Oct 03, 2013 12:40 pm

Re: Newbie Post/Condensed Story

Postby anonvent » Fri Sep 01, 2017 12:25 pm

mamarama wrote:Welcome! The others are right; we all aren't on this site for a lack of trying. Some have given up, but hope does burn eternally.

anonvent wrote:Aslo: DH brought up to me that while SIL was here during that last visit that she brought up another old girlfriend to him. She is friends with her on social media and I guess she feels the need to keep DH informed of their communications and what's going on in the ex's life (she is still single, has a high paying job, etc.). I just laughed. He just doesn't get it. This lunatic comes into our home and brings up an ex girlfriend from the 90s. lol!!!! I'm not jealous at all of any of these women. I think it's just pathetic SIL STILL brings them up after us being married for a over a decade. Whenever I visit with my family they don't bring up my ex's. I can only imagine what else she comes up with talk to him about that I don't know about.


Has he told her to knock it off? That she is not to come into the home he shares with his WIFE and talk about his past lovers? She isn't stupid. Well, yeah she is, but she knows EXACTLY what she's doing when she says these things. She's trying to undermine your relationship. And she's not showing any respect for you or her brother.

While he's at it, he should tell her that your finances are none of her !@#$% business, what you do with your money is none of her business. The only thing that is her business is what SHE chooses to do with HER money. No room for argument, discussion, or debate.


I think DH just ignores her when she brings up the ex's. It is really pathetic and I know she does it to disrespect our marriage. She is just so malicious. He is suspicious of her and her DD but he is blinded to how horrible they really are. So far he hasn't said anything to her about her prying into our finances BUT she hasn't been asking him, just me. I'm hoping if she gets up the nerve to pry him he will set her straight.
anonvent
Annoyed
 
Posts: 20
Joined: Tue Aug 22, 2017 12:38 am

Re: Newbie Post/Condensed Story

Postby WatchingMyBack » Fri Sep 01, 2017 12:36 pm

I think DH just ignores her


That is a big part of the problem we have all experienced. Our spouse or partner "ignored" the abuse and belittling of us that the IL's did. One of my biggest regrets was not getting DH to confront it and shut.it.down.

30+ years of abuse because I didn't stand up to DH "ignoring" it. Or being told "don't let it bother you" or "they don't mean it the way you are taking it" Or a million other excuses for not making it stop.
“Make no judgments where you have no compassion.”
WatchingMyBack
Nuclear
 
Posts: 1274
Joined: Tue Apr 25, 2006 6:14 pm
Location: New York State

Re: Newbie Post/Condensed Story

Postby mamarama » Fri Sep 01, 2017 5:49 pm

I usually say pick your battles. This is one that shouldn't be ignored. If this were happening to me, I'd tell h that either he talks to her about it or I will. If I have to because he chooses not to, he may not like how it goes or how I handle it but he will have no room to complain because he had his opportunity and passed on it. I'd tell him that either he or I will address it but he gets to choose whether it will be done his way or my way. Ignoring blatant disrespect to me, him, and our marriage, in our own household no less, is not an option. He is disrespectful of your feelings and your marriage when he allows someone to disrespect you and your marriage.

Btw my favorite excuse for tolerating bad behavior is "that's just the way she is." Well, this is just the way *I* am; I don't allow this, so you're just going to have to deal with it and accept it, just like you expect me to accept their, ahem, flaws.
mamarama
Nuclear
 
Posts: 1268
Joined: Thu Oct 03, 2013 12:40 pm

Previous

Return to In-Laws Talk

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot] and 6 guests