Inlaw Drama

Talk about anything and everything in-law related.

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Inlaw Drama

Postby Hiddenjem » Fri Aug 18, 2017 9:52 am

The good news

Daughter needed a 2nd job. She found a babysitting job in the neighborhood. The mom is nice and the twin girls are wonderful!

The challange

Now, the inlaws know about it and are trying to dump their children on her when she is babysitting!

Yes, they even want to change their children's bus stop to be at the home of where she babysits! She is "faaaaaamillly." The entitlement is.......

I am speechless!

The girls enjoy taking walks after school with my daughter. The inlaw children "just join them!"

Winter will be here soon and it won't be a issue thankfully!

Dh expects to be scolded by mil because daughter is making time to babysit but saying no raising the inlaw children for free.

She won't even babysit the inlaw children for money because they won't pay you even if they promised to do so!

The end of the update of "Days of our lives in Redneckia 2."
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou
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Re: Inlaw Drama

Postby Photomama16 » Fri Aug 18, 2017 11:03 am

That is awful!!! Pretentious overload. They have the audacity to send their kids to the home where she's babysitting? :o If I were her, I would send them right back home. The last thing she needs is to lose her babysitting job because in-laws won't leave her alone. How can these people think this is anywhere near ok?!
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Re: Inlaw Drama

Postby rubycrownedkinglet » Fri Aug 18, 2017 12:12 pm

I can relate to the entitlement of our Redneckia ILs!

When ESIL found out that EBIL's first wife, GoodSIL started a home daycare to help make ends meet when her second husband got laid off from his job, she showed up one morning tried to drop off Eddie Munster (3 at the time) with no previous arrangement whatsoever.

Not only did she expect to get a day off she expected the "family discount," $0.

GoodSIL turned her away because she already had 6 in her home, the legal limit in their county for home daycare. Because one of the children was GoodSILs own, ESIL tried to talk her into taking Eddie Munster anyway. She got angry that Good SIL said no and didn't break the law or risk her certification for her. Months later, ESIL tried to bad mouth GoodSiL to me but I shut her down and said that if I had 6 small kids to look after, I'd say no too. ESIL wisely changed the subject.
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Re: Inlaw Drama

Postby Hiddenjem » Fri Aug 18, 2017 12:30 pm

I am speechless yet again!'

Ruby, thank you for not letting her feel supported for her selfish entitlement!

Redneckia entitlement is unreal'
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou
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Re: Inlaw Drama

Postby Melody » Fri Aug 18, 2017 1:19 pm

Um, WOW! Not only is she entitled regarding your daughter but that is really rude and obnoxious to the family PAYING her rate. With my four kids, I've resorted to this only twice in 19 years for a great work opportunity. I asked a friend to babysit - it turns out she had something going on too but hired a babysitter (an adult nanny mid-twenties who's family was on vacation at the time).

My friend ASKED the babysitter first if it was OK for me to drop my kids off - who are generally well-behaved. We then paid her double what she asked for.

That is SOOO obnoxious! And one brat kid requires the same as six. And you just know ESIL would be the first to try to sue if anything happened!
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Re: Inlaw Drama

Postby PutMILinherplace » Fri Aug 18, 2017 1:44 pm

My aunt had a great saying, "It is far easier to not start something then to start something and then end it later. and there will be far fewer feelings hurt."

Ok, I think you may have to get involved depending upon the age of your daughter.

First, when she is walking if the inlaw kids come up , she needs to learn to say , "I am sorry but I am working. You need to go home. Goodbye"

I would also send a letter, text , or email (so you have a paper trail) to said inlaw and tell them that the daughter is working and she can not and will not be taking care of their children. You will not steal time that the employer is paying for to watch someone else's kids. If the kids are left anywhere or sent for your daughter to watch , the police will be immediately called about unsupervised kids.

They are going to get peeved but who cares, they will be peeved no matter what you do. This can effect your daughter's reputation if she doesn't put an end to it. This could also open up a chance to a new career and other customers so she needs to squash this now.
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Re: Inlaw Drama

Postby Hiddenjem » Fri Aug 18, 2017 1:49 pm

Should she offer drive the girls from the pick up bus stop in our neighborhood when the weather becomes bad? It isn't a far walk their home. Accidents do happen to good people.

She is a brand new driver is my concern but the roads in our country neighborhood are not priority to be cleared.

Do we check with her insurance agent on the risk? She would need to talk to the mom and offer first before using her car for her job,
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou
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Re: Inlaw Drama

Postby Hiddenjem » Fri Aug 18, 2017 1:51 pm

Thank you Pmihp! She is 20 years old. I will take your advice and pass on your wisdom to daughter!
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou
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Re: Inlaw Drama

Postby Yacky » Fri Aug 18, 2017 4:59 pm

Tell the in-laws that legally the child-to-carer ratio is (something like) 2 or 3 kids to 1 carer, unless they have a licence (which I assume she does not), and that legally she and the parents could get into a lot of trouble if she goes over that quota, and that those rules are in place for the SAFETY of the children involved. It's not safe for 1 person's eyes to be diverted into too many directions, and if one of those kids gets hurt, your daughter will be the one responsible for that (as would the parents for allowing it if they know about it).
~~ Some people really need a great big high-five....to the face....with a baseball bat ~~
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Re: Inlaw Drama

Postby Hiddenjem » Fri Aug 18, 2017 6:49 pm

She hit a mailbox backing out of their driveway. I don't think they will be asking her to drive.. The home owner forgave her, The neighbor was very sweet.
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou
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Re: Inlaw Drama

Postby bsfighter1 » Sat Aug 19, 2017 6:40 am

At first I thought your daughter was perhaps 13-16 yrs old and your obnoxious ILs were trying to push their kids on her not only to get a free ride but also to force connections and relationships with faaamily, hoping they might become friends and get a way back in.

Now that I read she is 20, there seems to be a sizeable age gap and those creeps seem to really only be using your daughter. I just can't fathom the nerve of some people, particularly when your family and theirs are on bad terms. They must definitely have a severe mental and personality disorder.

Question (and I know you probably shared this before but I didn't get all the story) ... what is the reason you are living so close to these people? I'm sure there is a reason. Don't get me wrong, you can live wherever you want. It just seems like a stress that could be avoided if you didn't have to stare at their lame duck faces at the bus stop.

Ps. Hope your daughter and the car are okay.
"I've learned that with narcs, absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder, it makes the heart grow free."
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Re: Inlaw Drama

Postby Hiddenjem » Sat Aug 19, 2017 8:01 am

On the day, we moved in the inlaws expressed entitlement that myself our offspring existed to make their lives easier. His sister was horrified that our home was not childproofed and our pool didn't have a additional locked fenced around in addition to the other locked fence. I asked her why we needed to make these changes because we are not grandparents or parents of young children. She had the nerve to say, "You need to be able to handle my grandchildren being dropped off." :shock: I responded that we were not available for their childcare needs so it was not a issue.

They still tried to pressure us under the "faammily" clause so I cut the wires to the doorbell, blocked them on my phone, and do not go to the door if they send their children knocking. It wasn't enough to say no to their babysitting demands. They tried it with myself, and the three offspring. They didn't want to play parent / older "friend" to their much younger cousins.

They decided Dh was going to be their unpaid handyman. He told them no. He only helps out his mom.

Thank you Bsfighter. She was emotional and in shock right after the backed into the plastic mailbox. The home owner could of not been nicer about it. Her car bumper has a very small crack in the corner plastic part but we aren't going to involve insurance.

The goal was to sell the Southern state house and have more money to spend toward a house here. It didn't sell after two years so now we rent it out and break even on the deal. We didn't want to not live there but Dh's job was eliminated by the economy. I didn't want to leave my job there but it wasn't a mortgage paying for a big house type of job.

The pros of living here? The current home is smaller (the challange) but the home was a very good deal. The cost of living is cheaper here. The house has a nice pretty level once acre, good curb appeal, inground pool, resort like backyard, on a quiet not cut through street, charming country covered front porch, long driveway, good landscaping, fenced in yard part connected to back of house for letting dogs in and out, well established neighborhood, privacy in the back and side of property.

The towns I am drawn to (and that would offer inlaw buffer zones) tend to be more expensive with land size and we would have a even smaller home! We are already "cozy" in a house this size.

We have checked to see if we could find what we have here in a nearby town but haven't found anything. The goal is try sell the southern state home again when the people's lease runs out. Then, Dh could work only one job! I can't find one here since I wasn't born here. It makes me a "outsider." I take that as a compliment!!

We manage "sanity" by enjoying the back area of our property and not using our front porch unless it is the weekend. The inlaws love to go campgrounds! We love the campgrounds for welcoming them!

Thankfully, we can drive 15 minutes or 30 minutes more in any direction and go shopping and do errands and not risk running into inlaws at stores!
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou
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Re: Inlaw Drama

Postby PutMILinherplace » Sat Aug 19, 2017 10:20 am

First, good for you and the DH for setting a good example for your daughter.

Second, if you think she needs it , I would purchase or borrow some books for her to read. How to deal with Toxic People by Dr Susan Forward and Life Codes by Dr Phil . I had my kids read that as part of our HS reading course (I homeschool) and they have been a great help to them. Frankly, I think these should be required reading for every teen/young adult.
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Re: Inlaw Drama

Postby Hiddenjem » Sat Aug 19, 2017 11:03 pm

I will makes sure that my offspring read the books! I haven't read them either. Thank you.
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou
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Re: Inlaw Drama

Postby IrishLass » Mon Aug 21, 2017 2:16 pm

I remember my first accident in my moms car. I have never caused an accident not even my first one.
Older lady in a Cadillac crossed center line, hit my car tried to blame it on me, thank goodness older gentlemen saw it told the police that other driver was at fault, all debris was on my side of road.
Moms car was a total loss because woman was speeding as well. No injuries except seat belt marks on me.
I was just headed to grocery store for some cream for mom.
Tell daughter she is all good we all have our hiccups, good learning tool on what to do should it happen again.
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