Dh almost called his mom a -----

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Dh almost called his mom a -----

Postby Hiddenjem » Wed Aug 16, 2017 12:37 pm

Out of the blue, he said, "If you would of met my mom before you did (24 yrs ago) , she was not a ....." ".... never mind." Then, he put his head down as if he was questioning if he has missed the reality of who his mom is early on.

It is actually sad for me as a mom to see someone's son (Dh) be in his position. The shame and consquences belong to mil. Dh used to pretend it was something about me that brought out the ----- in her. Now, "she changed" right before I came in the picture! :lol:

Whatever works for Dh to believe!

------------

Today is the first day of public school here.

The elementary school bus stop is across the street for us. The goldens have children that age. The bus picks up the children in front of my house!

Imagine this morning me going out to pull in the garage cans after the garbage service left. I am very prompt about pulling in the garbage cans. What did I see today ? All of the goldens and mil right there across the street waiting with the children. They glared at me for existing. I wonder if the children think that we are horrible people. Who knows what they say about us!

If things were better with all them, they would be waiting in front of my house or even on our covered front porch with a bench and rocking chairs and the children not have to cross the street! In the winter, I could of been a cool aunt who let them wait inside my house and made them hot chocolate. I could of knitted them winter hats in their favorite colors while they watched television by the fire while they watched television and I watched for their bus. Cozy and sweet..... After school, could of been them stopping by for chocolate chip cookies and telling me about their day at school. They get off the bus right in front of my house!

Dd returned driving her car from babysitting (she only babysits two different thirty minute periods a day) and mil and the goldens stared at her.

In the Hallmark movie version, the relatives could of waved and called out, "congratulations on getting your license and a car!" We could of greeted the golden spawn and wished them a happy first day of school.

No, they stared at us. We ignored them. The same normal and a different day.

People say blood is thicker than water. I disagree.

In the Hallmark movie version, mil and the inlaws would of been supportive and encouraging of dd and her brothers. They could of welcomed us here and our families could of merged. I could of been a emergency contact for the goldens children and could of had a role in the goldens spawn lives and tried to make their lives easier. My daughter could of driven the children to school if they missed the bus.

Life is not a hallmark movie though. The end. Thanks for reading. Our reality is our reality.

Honestly, we have more to offer than they have to give in return. As Jiggy said, regarding being a giving person and holding back is hard.

Off to knit hats and scarves for the adorable and sweet twin girls that daughter babysits!

I hope that everyone is having the best day possible!
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou
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Re: Dh almost called his mom a -----

Postby IrishLass » Wed Aug 16, 2017 2:17 pm

Ok I want to have HJ adopted by my Mam now. I would love a hot chocolate and beautiful hats, scarves, shawls whatever...

Reality really sucks sometimes, but I like to think of my DH's Dads clan as my penance on earth. My Dad is our reward when it is our time to go.

As my Dad always says if you can not find one reason to laugh and be joyful, why the hell are you sticking around?! I still love that saying.
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Re: Dh almost called his mom a -----

Postby Hiddenjem » Wed Aug 16, 2017 2:33 pm

I like your dads saying! He sounds like he was lovely!

Off to give a driving lesson to middle son!

Today, we are going to tackle a intersection and the maneuverability part.

Yesterday, was a rural interstate, state park driving, parking in a parking lot, backing in and pulling in.
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou
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Re: Dh almost called his mom a -----

Postby bsfighter1 » Thu Aug 17, 2017 7:51 am

Hidden... you can make me hot chocolate by the fire anytime. Sounds cozy.

How absolutely awkward. Don't know how you do it, living across the street from those monsters.

And I understand what you mean about the disappointment of not being able to merge family groups like you think would be natural and would only make the family stronger. I've been reading this book called 'Sapiens' by Yuval Noah Harari which gives a lot of insight on history and human nature. I swear, the only way I can explain these territorial female ILs is that they act like the alpha males in animal groups and have to chase off other females from the group if they won't submit and go to the bottom of the pecking order (especially when they're threatened by someone who seems to have something 'more' than them).

Funny how the strongest Homo sapiens tribes seemed to be the ones that could work together, not divide each other. Foolish.

Sorry if this sounds like a history lesson but reading this book is giving me yet another perspective on the behaviours of the ILs, and human nature in general.
"I've learned that with narcs, absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder, it makes the heart grow free."
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Re: Dh almost called his mom a -----

Postby rubycrownedkinglet » Thu Aug 17, 2017 9:21 am

I agree with the other comments. It is really sad that both you and they would be deprived of love and support. Because they don't want to give, they don't get to receive.

Why can't some people just accept that not everyone is the same and that bringing different people into a group makes everyone better and stronger. My MIL was much better at accepting my differences than FIL or the ESIBs. They didn't treat me badly, but I could tell they thought I was just...off, wrong, strange.

That's OK. DH loves me for who I am and appreciates the differences in the way we were raised and our different personalities.
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Re: Dh almost called his mom a -----

Postby Hiddenjem » Thu Aug 17, 2017 10:31 am

Be fighter,

Hot cocoa and chocolate chip cookies for everyone here at my house on the first cold day!

The history lesson describes mil. I didn't submit to her and I must be punished! :roll:

Ruby,

It is as if inlaws feel insecure with someone bring different than they are. I agree. Our spouses sought out someone different for a reason!
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou
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Re: Dh almost called his mom a -----

Postby mamarama » Thu Aug 31, 2017 4:25 pm

Hey HJ! Long time no talk. I hope all is well.

Hiddenjem wrote:People say blood is thicker than water. I disagree.


I disagree. Blood IS thicker than water, it has heavier density, and that's why it sinks (but slightly dilutes) in water. I'm trying to make an allegory here for our *obligatory* relationships with family as opposed to the relationships we choose to cultivate. The ones we choose to cultivate (the water), stay above the blood. I don't think i did a very good job here haha
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