I found the best response ever!

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I found the best response ever!

Postby Hiddenjem » Tue Aug 15, 2017 12:24 pm

It was on a website from a person who deals with a toxic cut off inlaw / parents!

Their response to "flying monkey" questions;

"We have explained before, so whatever you do or do not understand is not our problem, you don't have to understand our choice but your have respect it. We are done."

---------

I have been saying "It isn't up for discussion. Not everyone is meant to be close. It is just how it is."

I am memorizing the other persons response!

Or I could also say, "The last time I checked, that topic is none of your business or even a situation for you to judge."

-----

Recently, we had another flying monkey attempt. I listened to the flying monkey and responded, "Thank you for the concern but I am fine." They asked or hear my side of the story. I responded, "I would rather not discuss it." The end. The subject dropped. They offered to share what female parent is telling people me. I told them that it doesn't matter to me and isn't worth them repeating.
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou
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Re: I found the best response ever!

Postby rubycrownedkinglet » Tue Aug 15, 2017 3:44 pm

That is a good response for someone who is trying to interfere or is being nosy and fishing for information. Especially if it isn't the first time they've tried to butt in.

In my situation, I was shocked. There were several people who had met the ESIBs or knew them who actually were totally unsurprised and somewhat supportive of the whole thing. One of MILs cousins questioned it once, saying, "But they're family!" I told her that things had gotten out of hand after the PILs died and that we had to protect our mental health. Then I shut down any further questions by telling her that she deserved better than to be burdened with the details. By that point in the conversation, she admitted that she wasn't shocked and that especially EBIL was hard to deal with and she'd probably have done the same thing.

The real estate agent who listed the late PILs house before EBIL and DH signed it over to ESIL completely understood. When she was asked to remove the listing because the men were gifitng the house to ESIL, she told ESIL that she hoped she was very grateful for the house because she and her DH could never afford a house like that on their own. (At the time ESILs family income was $385 per month). When I called the real estate agent the following year to ask a valuation question for tax purposes, she shared with me that ESIL became very angry when she'd told her that. I apologized for her and shared that we hadn't had any contact with ESIL since then, and she said it was no surprise, that sometimes you just have to move on.

We had told funny stories about the ESIBs to our friends for so long that I only had one friend (very religious, very tied to her family) slightly question the cut off, and all I had to say was that we were all just too different. All the others said a variation of "It's about time."
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Re: I found the best response ever!

Postby Hiddenjem » Tue Aug 15, 2017 10:33 pm

I love when people see the toxic inlaws/ bad foo true colors. They become too bold for their own good.

The truth was too close for home for Esil about the comment house being out of her reach without it being gifted to her ! I would of enjoyed seeing her reaction to the brutal truth!

Ironically daughter starts her 2nd job working part time in child care tomorrow (five hours a week.) it replaces the lost income from her work study hours being cut!

The mom of the girls knows the inlaws and already knew their true colors! They are not generally liked or respected in this town!
Last edited by Hiddenjem on Wed Aug 16, 2017 4:08 am, edited 1 time in total.
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou
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Re: I found the best response ever!

Postby jigglypuff » Tue Aug 15, 2017 11:52 pm

These are great and I wish I had known them back when I was dealing with my ILs. They would have been helpful.
'As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me'
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