Now I remember why I usually do this...

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Now I remember why I usually do this...

Postby miwako » Fri Aug 11, 2017 12:52 am

I posted previously about "forgetting" FIL's birthday, but now I remember why I usually tried to keep on top of it. I would just buy a card. We don't have a lot of money, he doesn't like to have a lot of stuff, so I'd buy a $3 card and that's that. Well my husband felt bad about not doing anything, so he spent $40 ordering a gift for him online. I know it's not a huge amount of money, but things are tight and there are things I'd much rather spend that $40 on!
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Re: Now I remember why I usually do this...

Postby jigglypuff » Fri Aug 11, 2017 1:07 am

I'd be upset over that amount too. Your FIL isn't worth a $3 card let alone $40. Is there any way to cancel the gift?
'As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me'
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Re: Now I remember why I usually do this...

Postby bsfighter1 » Fri Aug 11, 2017 6:35 am

Given the financial situation, did your husband even ask you if that was ok before spending that? What the heck.
"I've learned that with narcs, absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder, it makes the heart grow free."
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Re: Now I remember why I usually do this...

Postby miwako » Fri Aug 11, 2017 10:03 am

He didn't say anything before doing it, I found out when I was looking over the credit card statement and found a charge I didn't recognize.

I'm irritated by this, but I can't even get myself worked up to be angry. I'm not even surprised. I should have known.
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Re: Now I remember why I usually do this...

Postby Hiddenjem » Fri Aug 11, 2017 11:30 am

I would feel upset as well!

Miwako, I know his deserved that money more than fil. Or it could of gone to bills!

I have that your Dh did that for fil!
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou
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Re: Now I remember why I usually do this...

Postby Yacky » Fri Aug 11, 2017 12:33 pm

Sounds like he's trying to buy his father's affections or trying to get in his good graces. These men are often just like little boys trying desperately to get mummy and daddy's attention. I actually feel badly for them, because in their hearts they know that their own parents are toxic asses. It's too bad he spent money you two really didn't have, but I think maybe I'd give him a little grace on this one because I'm sure the poor guy is wrestling with the conflicting feelings he might be having about what an awful person his father really is.

I'm sure it will occur to him that you two really can't afford such things right now, and that guilt might be "punishment" enough and a deterrent for next year.
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Re: Now I remember why I usually do this...

Postby WatchingMyBack » Fri Aug 11, 2017 12:58 pm

You can find perfectly good cards at the Dollar Tree. They are usually .50 each or $1.00 for the "extra fancy" cards.

When I need a sympathy card or new baby card or whatever, I usually go there first. Only for birthday cards for my immediate family do I "splurge" on Hallmark cards, which I really don't like to do, but feel guilty if I don't. And I don't even know why. I usually only get a card from ODS & DIL, DD and every few years from DSis. Nobody else (including DH).

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Re: Now I remember why I usually do this...

Postby miwako » Fri Aug 11, 2017 2:54 pm

Yacky- That's why I'm just irritated. He's never been good about checking the prices of things, he decides what he wants to buy as a gift and then does it. And that goes double for his family.

That's a good suggestion WMB. I've been getting cards at the last minute at work, but even with my employee discount cards still cost $2-6.
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Re: Now I remember why I usually do this...

Postby blue iris » Fri Aug 11, 2017 9:50 pm

I also like Dollar Tree for cards. We used to have Factory Card Outlet, and I would go in there with a list of occasions for 6 months at a time! Still have a small discount store called Card Frenzy, which is also good for cards and gift wrap. I almost never buy the really expensive cards anymore. I'm sure most of them eventually end up getting tossed anyway.
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Re: Now I remember why I usually do this...

Postby Hiddenjem » Sat Aug 12, 2017 4:28 am

The thread has me wondering about what other board members do with store bought cards?

I confess that I always tend to either ; toss all store bought greeting cards immediately in recycling after reading them, or I cut the message off and keep the front to use the back of the front of the card to write shopping lists on. Then, I recycle them.

Dh and the offspring know that the only way that I would keep a card is a home made card.
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou
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Re: Now I remember why I usually do this...

Postby bsfighter1 » Sat Aug 12, 2017 7:15 am

I only keep the sentimental ones from close family for occasions like anniversaries, etc, and even that 'card file' is getting so thick that I might have to start picking and choosing the ones I keep.

I obviously tear up and chuck the cards right away from people I don't like (ie ILs), while eventually the generic cards from acquaintances eventually meet the same fate, although they do get a few weeks to be on display.

I must admit though, I'm a sucker for really unique and nice looking cards, so if a card meets that standard it will be on display for quite a while and may even make it into the bsfighter card hall of fame (aka my card file).
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Re: Now I remember why I usually do this...

Postby rubycrownedkinglet » Sat Aug 12, 2017 9:59 am

I display them in my office area (at home) for a while then I toss them. If the picture is especially pretty, I might keep it a little longer, but since I was a kid, I haven't felt too attached. My DH is very sentimental and will keep cards for years, so I can't let him see me throw out the ones he gives me. :o :x :cry:
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Re: Now I remember why I usually do this...

Postby jigglypuff » Sun Aug 13, 2017 12:36 pm

I'm not big on cards although I keep the ones from DH and a few from friends. The cards ILs send over go straight into the shredder.
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Re: Now I remember why I usually do this...

Postby rubycrownedkinglet » Mon Aug 14, 2017 8:40 am

Just yesterday, my bestie texted me a picture of the wedding card she and her DH got from us 28 years ago! She is packing to move and tossing a bunch of stuff and she decided to take pics of all the cards she'd saved and then toss them, but she felt guilty, so I told her it was OK.
It was a blast from the past, though and I felt very honored that she kept it. And as usual, that it was funny we were commenting on that very thing in this forum.
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Re: Now I remember why I usually do this...

Postby Melody » Mon Aug 14, 2017 9:10 am

I'd be ticked Miwako. My DH wastes a lot more on stepmonster. He does it so he doesn't have to deal with his father calling telling him to buy crap for his "mother". He doesn't ask either, but in fairness I do most of the gift giving and don't always run evwrything past him.

And I have mixed feelings, He would get so worked up about sending "grandma" a card, that he'd discuss it with the kids weeks before. Nauseating to.

As for cards, Ii worked for the big card company for a short while. What a scam for they cost (and they pay their employees very poorly). And you all would be amazed how much gets thrown out - especially on M'Day and Valentines. CRATES and CRATES of extra. And most of the greeting kind of suck. Poor trees.
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