Regarding "Two faced woman" post on home page

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Regarding "Two faced woman" post on home page

Postby Hiddenjem » Tue Aug 22, 2017 4:17 pm

I am bothered by the poster expecting the inlaws teen children to be available to babysit. Also, expecting the inlaws to be available for childcare as well. I feel annoyed by the expectation.

I am sorry that the three year old was abused but a when you adopt or "have" a child, no one owes you childcare. As a child neglect and abuse surviver, I,immediately thought that the pity card only hurts a child in the long run. It is possible that the child has trust issues. The last thing that a child needs is to be forced on people. Children can tell who does not want them around! It only harms the child in the long run to make them "special" and entitled because of abuse. The child is a surviver. She is strong and capable of rising above! It isn't a excuse for extreme behavior issues or future crime as well!

It seems like poster is looking for as sticker for adopting the child. It was the posters choice.

As a owner of a pool, we invite no one to swim. It is "our private pool." The trampoline and the pool of the inlaws are huge liabilities for the owners! Does the poster not realize the cost of chemicals goes up the more the pool is used? The chemicals aren't cheap either!

Plus, we are talking about a three year old. How old are the other children who are her cousins? It is possible that they consider her a baby and at this stage of her life isn't enjoyable for their field trips. Three year olds, adopted or blood related, can be a handful! Does the person who posted supervise her child at gatherings? If the person expects everyone to do so, it explains their reluctance to include her and the child.

I am glad the poster gave a home to the formerly abused child. It just sounds like assumptions were made before the adoption happened. Did she ask her relatives what roll they would have in raising her? I strongly suspect that the cousins don't enjoy playing with the child at her current life stage.
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou
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Re: Regarding "Two faced woman" post on home page

Postby Melody » Tue Aug 22, 2017 7:06 pm

Of course I feel terrible for this child, and it can't be easy for grandmother raising a SECOND family. I'm assuming that is the situation, and it has to be difficult to find the energy. However, I have to agree with you on every point Hiddengem.

I have to "book" my teenagers early (and have a backup plan) because they both have school, schoolwork, jobs, activities and (gasp!) actually want to hang out with their friends sometimes. The assumption that they SHOULD be babysitting is completely unreasonable. Some teenagers have no interest and THAT IS OK. Teenagers with siblings probably already babysit more than they'd like.

And with two teenagers, I'm guessing their sibs are older than three. And entertaining children of different ages is hard enough. Now her SIL is supposed to plan out for another child too? Its not like they're inviting other sister in laws and leaving her out.

And I never had an adult relationship with my mom, but I'm getting the feeling that this woman is jealous of THEIR mother/daughter relationship (maybe because she doesn't have one? Why is a mother and daughter hanging out an automatic slight to her?

My suggestion, especially if she is not working full time, and has financial resources is take some mommy & me classes, go to the library or local book store storytime. I can almost guarantee she won't be the only grandmother. These groups often have a mix of dads, nannies, etc. Its a great way to meet new friends for both child and caregiver. I met my closest friend in the local park when I was a single parent with an infant and two year old. (Her husband traveled - so we alternated hosting dinners/playdates weekly for years!). I met preschool parents that were adventurous and we went in large groups to the zoo/playgrounds/childrens' museums/discount movies, etc. And my kids are still friends with these kids!
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Re: Regarding "Two faced woman" post on home page

Postby WatchingMyBack » Wed Aug 23, 2017 11:41 am

I agree completely with you as well, HJ. The expectation for other family members to "do" just because they are somehow related is always wrong. If I had a dollar for every time OBIL and :evil: BIL's spawn were foisted on me when they were young (well, you know, I had 3 kids so why not add more to the mix so they could run to the mall child-free and shop, shop, shop and more shopping?) I could take a very nice vacation.

When I first read that post, I got the impression it was the poster herself that was feeling slighted and left out by the family. The adopted grandchild was just the vehicle for it. I'm glad that child is away from an abusive mother.
“Make no judgments where you have no compassion.”
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Re: Regarding "Two faced woman" post on home page

Postby mamarama » Thu Aug 31, 2017 6:25 pm

I just read that because I saw this thread. The post made me so sad :cry:
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