Reasons

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Reasons

Postby Hiddenjem » Fri Aug 18, 2017 8:31 am

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Last edited by Hiddenjem on Sat Aug 26, 2017 12:25 am, edited 18 times in total.
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou
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Re: News regarding daughter's boyfriend

Postby Melody » Fri Aug 18, 2017 8:39 am

So in short, both BF and his parents are total @ssholes.

Since your daughter is in college, and BF sees her only three hours a week (and who knows, with that little time he may have another GF or two), leverage this? "Having a long distance relationship doesn't seem to be working out well for either of us Maybe we should be free to see other people".
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Re: She is ready end it with boyfriend

Postby blue iris » Fri Aug 18, 2017 12:56 pm

Sorry I don't have any helpful ideas, I just wanted to say "Halleluia!" (Music from Handel's ' 'Messiah' in background). Let hope she ends it sooner rather than later.
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Re: She is ready

Postby Hiddenjem » Sat Aug 19, 2017 8:36 am

Yes, you are correct Melody. I like that way of handing it! Thank up I!

Blue Iris, thank you.
Last edited by Hiddenjem on Sat Aug 26, 2017 12:24 am, edited 1 time in total.
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou
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Re: The reasons

Postby IrishLass » Mon Aug 21, 2017 1:46 pm

My own personal two cents. I would tell him I wanted an equal partner in my marriage, not just physical aspects, but a good emotional and mental connection with. BF has demonstrated his loyalties are to his Mom only and that's fine, but not for me. Your/Our loyalties are too each other and three hours a week is not enough for any relationship to survive, good luck in his future.

Sooner is better, no use in keeping a bad thing around, that little cloud of negativity will hang over daughters head.
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Re: The reasons

Postby Hiddenjem » Mon Aug 21, 2017 2:36 pm

Irishlass,

She needed to hear your words of wisdom!

Thank you so much for sharing! I appreciate you so much.
Last edited by Hiddenjem on Sat Aug 26, 2017 12:23 am, edited 1 time in total.
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou
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Re: The reasons

Postby WatchingMyBack » Mon Aug 21, 2017 3:59 pm

My feelings about your DD's BF are well known to you, Hiddenjem

What you've written only reinforces it.

* She will always be the least important person in his "family".
* Eye rolling and dismissing shows his contempt for her. That will only escalate as time goes by.
* The snark that she shouldn't bother with the driver's test and wouldn't pass are A HUGE RED FLAG. He is actively trying to erode her self esteem and devalue her.
* Showing no interest in her car highlights his passive aggressive anger at her having and showing personal independence and decision making. She did all of that WITHOUT him or his input. NARCs don't like that kind of independence at all.
* His criticism of your DS's car is pretty much the same PA anger, except that since he wouldn't have had any input in the purchase, the next best NARC supply is to devalue your son's choice.
* He views her purity as something he must have and he doesn't want to keep waiting for it anymore. He doesn't really want HER as much as he wants IT. 1,000% once he gets it, he will move on and abandon her entirely.
* If he wanted her, he would spend time with her and make time for her. But no, he spends it with Mommy and Sissy and dysfunctional Daddy and clone Sissy BF.
* She isn't really welcome in his home or by his family. And that will, what? Get better? Get worse? Humm?? Let's start taking bets (oh, man, easy win on this one)

For the love of Heaven, have her read the Toxic In-laws book. Everything about the BF and his family is TOXIC.
“Make no judgments where you have no compassion.”
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Re: The reasons

Postby Hiddenjem » Mon Aug 21, 2017 5:07 pm

I will read her your post and need to get my hands on that book!

I appreciate you so much Watchingmyback!

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I just read both of your posts to her.
Last edited by Hiddenjem on Sat Aug 26, 2017 12:23 am, edited 1 time in total.
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou
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Re: The reasons

Postby IrishLass » Tue Aug 22, 2017 2:19 pm

HJ, remind your DD that love is when two people bring each other up, strengthen each other and make everything a bit easier. Love is something you work at, easy to fall in but hard to keep up. Once she finds a man willing to invest in himself as well as her, she will have found the right one. Try to get DD to join clubs at the college for some of her hobbies, pastimes. That is how I met my 2nd hubby. 15 years and he still makes me laugh, holds my hand and has always been a team with me.
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Re: The reasons

Postby Hiddenjem » Tue Aug 22, 2017 3:55 pm

I will tell her that for you Irishlass. Thank you for sharing your wise words.
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou
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