Golden logic

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Golden logic

Postby WatchingMyBack » Thu Jun 29, 2017 2:20 pm

My DM had a heart attack last fall and now has a daily care giver that comes for several hours a day. Years ago when her DH was killed in an accident, she made the decision to purchase a Long Term Care policy so that she wouldn't have to worry about being put in a nursing home or being a "burden" (yeah, right) on us.

My part in this has been to get the claim process started, jump through the incredible hoops of fire and run the gauntlet of slings and arrows the LTC company puts in place to try and push people to give up with their claim. They were tricky, but I have the patience of Job (thanks to the PIL) and managed to get her claim approved and reimbursements started. I do all of this from afar, as I do not live near my DM.

Each week I pull the invoices from the caregiver website, make PDFs and submit them to the LTC claims department. Simple process, I do it every Tuesday morning and bah-da-bing-ba-dah-boom, she gets reimbursed the next week.

Give DM her weekly call (because the phone apparently only works in one direction, with me calling her, and not the other way around). She thanks me again for getting the LTC care claim set and the reimbursements done. She knows how much work it was. I tell her I was glad to take care of it, and glad she's getting payments.

The next words out of her mouth were, "Well, maybe I can just get Golden Sister to do it for me then."

:shock:

I was speechless. Honestly, I've never known anyone who could choose to say the exact WRONG thing to say at the WRONG time, but she manages to be the queen at doing that.
“Make no judgments where you have no compassion.”
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Re: Golden logic

Postby Hiddenjem » Thu Jun 29, 2017 4:37 pm

A very puzzling comment indeed!

She could of kept that last nugget to herself.

Then, express concern about over burdening you and ask if you wanted a break from the task.

Why not leave it at, "Thank you for helping me." :roll:
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou
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Re: Golden logic

Postby rubycrownedkinglet » Sat Jul 01, 2017 11:36 am

It seems to me that she misunderstood what you replied or it wasn't what she expected. I think she was fishing for you to thank her for praising you on a job well done. OMG, my DM used to do that when she got older. It was like she could say thank you, but it was obvious she believed I should feel privileged that she would even acknowledge it, and should acknowledge her for taking the time to thank me. Very strange.

My MIL was worse. She would hint for us to do things for her so that she didn't have to admit to herself or us that it was her idea. Then, if anything was difficult or it went wrong she could excuse herself from any responsibility for our troubles. It was very manipulative. She was better at saying thank you, but it was almost like you thank a stranger for holding a door open.

Towards the end, I made her ask me to do something for her. Once I even had to say, "If you ask me to come help you, I will." I wasn't going to show up and stay at her house to help her unless it was agreed it was her idea. Later, after much hemming and hawing, deflecting and evasion, I reminded her she had to ask me, and she did. When I got home, she sent a thank you card and a plant. So much better with clearer expectations.
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Re: Golden logic

Postby WatchingMyBack » Wed Jul 12, 2017 10:05 am

Mostly I think she has no "filters" MIL lost her "filters" after her stroke and this seems very similar the last couple of years.

We were at a luncheon a couple of years ago where all of us were there with our adult children. DM pulls out a ruby ring in a box and gives it to DN saying "I thought my FAVORITE GRANDDAUGHTER would like this." DN, who is a sweetheart, was mortified. DIL was shocked that DM would say something like that out loud with DD in the room. Luckily, I don't think DD heard her. DM only has 2 granddaughters. DN (who is my Golden Sister's daughter) and my DD.

My DSis (the golden) was complaining to me that DM was calling her a "Bully" while she was there last week. She said DM was nasty and contrary about everything and told DSis she was nothing but a Bully. :lol: I told DSIs it was a good thing it wasn't me who was there because there is no telling what DM would have called me. DSis coddles DM and lets her get away with everything. Not me. That's one of the reasons I don't go very often. Just can't stand it.
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Re: Golden logic

Postby Mara » Sat Jul 15, 2017 12:55 pm

WatchingMyBack - it was very generous of you to spend so much time and I am sure frustration dealing with that organization to get everything worked out for your DM as well as to do the weekly tasks for reimbursement. I've dealt with many issues related to health insurance and medical bills and I know it is very time consuming.

I would be speechless too! At least she appears to appreciate and be grateful for your help, even though her response seemed so out in left field and inappropriate.

That is so horrible too about the situation with your DM's ruby ring. Thankfully your DD didn't seem to hear what she said :(

I had a similar experience with my narc FIL. He was with my one year old DS and five year old DD. He said in front of both of them: DS you are my number one; you are going to be a sport star!" My PILs love to frequently rank the family members. ("This person is #1 now bc they did this; you dropped down to #5 bc of this; you are at the bottom") I absolutely could not believe it. My poor DD did not understand, later asking me "why did grandpa say DS was his #1? I am older doesn't that mean I am number 1?" Months earlier, this jerk of a FIL was criticizing DD's first soccer game, saying "is she good at art? I hope so because she is no good at sports." SERIOUSLY?! It was one of those no score/for fun leagues and I was so proud of her facing her fears (she was nervous and scared initially, but later warmed up and had a huge smile on her face. She was having fun and proud of herself). It crushes me to even THINK of her hearing what FIL said. No wonder H is so messed up.
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Re: Golden logic

Postby Melody » Sat Jul 15, 2017 1:52 pm

@WatchingMyBack - I'm sorry about the ring also, and I'm sorry its been a few years. That is horrible. I had a similar experience but had the great joy of seeing karma strike shortly after.

My girls are 10 years apart - my older from a former marriage. When they were 11 and 1, DH's stepmonster made a huge freakin' stink about how she was going to "give the baby ALL my jewelry!". This b*tch said it OVER AND OVER AND OVER in front of my girls.
Its not like a 1 year old even had a clue, but what a cruel thing to do in front of an 11 year old.

So the witch gives DH a bag full of in my opinion crap. It took a lot of willpower for me not to shove it into a "cash for gold" envelope and use the $10 to buy ALL the children ice cream.

HOWEVER, in the meantime, stepmonster's stepmother (who really did raise her) had passed. Stepmonster was obsessed about getting one of her stepmother's traditional dresses. And I do mean obsessed - putting Golem's obsession over the ring to shame. It was to be given to "the oldest daughter".

So stepmonster's DF held a large memorial service for his wife (nice lady). Stepmonster's brother made some of the announcements including bring out the dress. He announced it was to be given to "the oldest daughter". And then he said stepmonter's YOUNGER SISTER'S NAME. I thought stepmonster was either going to scream or faint. She couldn't have had a more shocked look on her face. It took everything in me not to pee myself with laughter. Ah yes, KARMA!!!
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Re: Golden logic

Postby Mara » Wed Jul 19, 2017 2:24 am

Melody - wow that story is unbelievable!!! It is kind of sad that stepmonster wasn't considered the "oldest daughter" of her own stepmother, but like you wrote, total karma!! It's awful she would say that to your 11 year old. Doesn't make any sense except she is just a an awful person :(
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