How to cope.

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How to cope.

Postby IrishLass » Mon Jun 05, 2017 5:10 pm

Over the last five years my family and I have had to deal with a lot "stuff". My awesome Dad (DH calls him this and I agree) passed away due to cancer, I had a heart attack one year exactly later and am a young 40 yr old woman on blood thinners and diet regime for the rest of my life, my bestie whom both my sister and I consider her to be a Sis to us her son regular teenager has been undergoing dialysis has been on the transplant list over a year and now my Mom has been told she has cancer and the spiel of, we will know more once we can look at it. I've about had all I can take between this mess and the hot mess our country is in right now. Could use a funny story or something happening that is good to anyone right now. Anyone have anything funny/silly/happy going on in their lives?
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Re: How to cope.

Postby Hiddenjem » Mon Jun 05, 2017 5:30 pm

(((((Hugs))))) You are dealing with a lot. I can see why you are feeling overwhelmed and needing some comfort.

I recommend taking life hour by hour. Also, each day to day. The big pig picture is too much for me to process all at once too. My motto to hang in there and see where "all of this leads."

Have you asked yourself what you can control in your life?

(It is helping me in my situation.) I celebrate each day of doing the best I can in our situation!

Are you actively being your own best friend? ( Stress can cause a person to forget to take the best care of themselves.)

Ironically, I made a post last night feeling overwhelmed sharing details what was weighing on us. I cried and felt better. Then, decided to delete it. I regret it now. Thank you for leaving your post up! I feel discouraged right now as well. I understand.

Here is what I found to be pleasant today

- the comforting feeling of my favorite dog snuggling up to me and the way looks out the window on my lap while I drive with him (I love that old dog!) He was formerly abondoned and have had him for 11 years! It took time for him to build the courage to trust us enough to look up at us and not hide to feel safe. He used to squint his eyes as it made him invisible. Time has healed his emotional wounds!

-I finished making a beautiful knitted purse (It took all day and I am proud of it turned out!)

-puffy clouds

-a nap

-birds chirping

-home grown mint leaves, lemon juice, watermelon cubes "flavored" chilled water

-the way our pets react to the little things I do to show I care that mean the world to them

-our young deaf dog (she was formerly abondoned) has learned to trust and love me (she actually seeks me out for the lap snuggles, sleep snuggling, and car rides)

-our rabbit acts so happy when she sees me walk in the room and even will let me pick her up! She lets me hold her too! It took time to build that trust!
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou
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Re: How to cope.

Postby rubycrownedkinglet » Tue Jun 06, 2017 4:34 pm

IrishLass wrote: Anyone have anything funny/silly/happy going on in their lives?
I have been where you are right now. Things will get better. Look for some good things now, but in the meantime, I am so happy for my DH.
After about a year of being soooo depressed about my IL situation and using research on my family on ancestry.com to divert my attention from the reprobate family that adopted my DH and caused us a world of trouble, Dh decided to sign up and send in DNA too.

After another year or two of comparing all the relationships of the people that were related to him, 3rd and 4th cousins mostly, and researching multiple families that could be related to him, I found the identity of his birth mother, then about 3 months later, his birth father. For the first time in his life, he knows what families he belongs to, even though his parents are both gone.

Now he has met and bonded with his sister, his Aunt and Uncles, and cousins. He feels connected for the first time in his life. His sister was raised by their mother and has been able to tell him about her, as have the other family members. It is amazing what a different perspective it has brought to his life. He is happier than I can ever remember him being.

Just a few years ago, I could have made a similar list to yours of my pile of woes. Most of them have worked themselves out and came out for the best.

One funny story: I have a beautiful and sweet 80 lb Chocolate Lab who is almost a year and a half old. She is still puppy-like and sort of awkward, but she is growing into a really excellent dog. She learns many things very easily and will cooperate with all kinds of instructions, like "Wipe your feet."

We had her out in the rain and when she came in, I told her to wipe feet, so she turned around a few times on her towel then as usual, she reached her front paws forward in kind of a bow to wipe the front ones extra well. As she did, she stretched and sort of groaned like we sometimes do when we stretch. She passed gas, loudly. The tone of her moan went up about an octave and she flew into the kitchen looking around the corner very cautiously to see what had tickled her backside and groaned back at her.
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Re: How to cope.

Postby IrishLass » Tue Jun 06, 2017 7:16 pm

To Hiddenjem and Ruby, thank you so much for words of comfort and the pet stories. I just knew that typing about my frustrations here would hopefully get me a feeling of relief of sorts. My wonderful DH is the only one working in our house, so God forbid my Mams illness is really bad I will be able to take her to appointments. I love my pets. I have two cats right now. Have had dogs, lizards, fish, birds in the past. Ruby your dog story made me burst out laughing in the library today. When I feel really overwhelmed I usually go volunteer at our library. (I have weight restrictions on what I can lift so can no longer volunteer at food pantrys or our local homeless shelter.). Sometimes I just need to vent but really do not want to burden my family so I find this forum to be helpful.
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Re: How to cope.

Postby Melody » Wed Jun 07, 2017 11:33 am

Hi Irishlass! I relate - I'm way closer to 50 than 40 but recently took a ride in an ambulance for heart attack symptoms. My kids were embarrassed to admit they LOVED the ride! My 9 year old said she couldn't be more excited about riding in the front seat "for the first time". My 11 year old complained that my hair blocked his view out the back door.
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Re: How to cope.

Postby bsfighter1 » Sat Jun 10, 2017 7:05 am

Irishlass I feel for you. Like some said mentioned here, pets keep me smiling (most times when my kitten isn't breaking stuff.) sometimes too, despite any pain or heart ache going on I count the things I do have, however small and it makes me feel better. Sometimes though our minds, hearts and bodies just need a rest from our troubles, and sometimes I just force myself to drop everything and physically rest, mentally also even though it takes longer to shutdown the constant chatter in my head ;) but when I do it's peaceful, even if it's only for a few minutes. Hang in there.
"I've learned that with narcs, absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder, it makes the heart grow free."
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Re: How to cope.

Postby jigglypuff » Sun Jun 11, 2017 6:20 am

I'm really sorry that you're dealing with so much. It's the hardest when a relative is sick, especially immediate family. I have been there.

I agree with HJ, all you can do is take it day by day. Personally what makes me feel better is crying when I need to. Then after I've had a good cry, I watch a funny show or movie that I enjoy to help perk my spirits. I'll do something that relaxes me like draw, play video games or tend to my plants to get my mind off things.
I also try my best to practice appreciation and gratefulness for all of the good things in my life and in the world. Oh and I also don't watch the news because it depresses me so I try my best to avoid it. I'm very emotional and if I see something upsetting on the news, it affects me deeply and sometimes for several days.

Rofl @Ruby's story. That was so funny!

Pets have an amazing way of making a person feel better. I also grew up with many animals. Currently I can't own a dog ( I want one so bad!) but I have two leopard geckos whose little smiley faces make my day. Their names are Mojito and Pepito :D

I hope everything turns out well for you and your family. Prayers and well wishes. If you need us, we are always here for you.
'As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me'
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Re: How to cope.

Postby IrishLass » Tue Jun 13, 2017 9:46 am

Thank you all for your kind words and wisdom. The day by day tactic is kinda working for me. I have always been a positive person even through my 1st marriage, I kept my "chin up" so to speak. My DH and I just have had so much stuff to deal with together and he always makes me laugh so I am lucky that this marriage is a keeper. ( Should say this is my 2nd marriage, DH's first.). Things got more intense when my Moms endocrinologist (cancer dr.) called. They want to do petscan (probably did not spell that right) before her surgery to see if they can see anymore cancer spots... To be honest I still feel it is unfair for Mom to have cancer only 5 years after my Dad. I have high hopes that it will not be as bad as my Dads was, but am preparing myself to take care of her no matter what. It has been beautiful weather so have been making most of it by going on very short walks with Mom and tending to her flowers, however my own garden has sorely been neglected as a result. Might need to hire someone to remove all the wild strawberry plants that popped up everywhere. Lived here for 12 years, first time I have ever seen the strawberry plants. Hope everyone has been enjoying the weather and finding peace, solace in your immediate families!
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