My FOO has caught the crazy bug :/

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Re: My FOO has caught the crazy bug :/

Postby mamarama » Wed Jun 28, 2017 4:31 pm

DD is very wise and astute for her age -- just the facts that she could not only identify the problem but handle a confrontation with her grandma, an authority figure, the way she did. And for your mom to try and place the blame for her decisions on a 9 YO is pathetic and twisted. She deliberately tried to hurt your kid's feelings and manipulate her emotions by dropping dd's stuff off on the porch. She is unhealthy for your child, emotionally and physically. What if she had taken dd to that rally and, God forbid, she did get hurt? Whose fault would that be? Well, certainly not grandma's!

DD is lucky to have parents who protect her the way you do. There are many people who would tolerate this behavior and sacrifice their children on the altar of "family harmony".
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Re: My FOO has caught the crazy bug :/

Postby WatchingMyBack » Thu Jun 29, 2017 2:11 pm

Ah, too bad you didn't have a security camera on your porch to catch what might have been a priceless expression when your Not-So-DM rang the bell and found you were not at home. In my mind, she wanted to have a showdown right then and there, and was sure she was going to find you at home. She wanted to create a little drama and maybe even reduce your DD to tears?

And leaving a sewing machine on a front porch? Very careless and disrespectful of your DD.

Not-So_DM is very childish.
“Make no judgments where you have no compassion.”
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Re: My FOO has caught the crazy bug :/

Postby foxmanb » Fri Jun 30, 2017 10:27 am

WatchingMyBack wrote:Ah, too bad you didn't have a security camera on your porch to catch what might have been a priceless expression when your Not-So-DM rang the bell and found you were not at home. In my mind, she wanted to have a showdown right then and there, and was sure she was going to find you at home. She wanted to create a little drama and maybe even reduce your DD to tears?

And leaving a sewing machine on a front porch? Very careless and disrespectful of your DD.

Not-So_DM is very childish.


Actually, we did have a camera on the porch, she had her DS (I won't call him my brother) drop them off when they knew we wouldn't be home.

She is being extremely childish. What DW and I take away from this is that not so DM wants to make herself out to be the victim so she doesn't have to apologize. That's the bottom line. Telling our DD that we're punishing her, withholding visitation, etc is just sick. Anything to NOT be held accountable for her actions.

When all of this went down I called the fam I cared about and let them know what was going on, and that they'd probably hear some crazy shit about us, and to not believe the hype... boy was I right on that one.

To be honest, if we had withheld visitation, used visitation as a weapon against her etc, DD would hate us for it one day, maybe even now, and rightfully so, because we would have been putting her in the middle. I'm glad we're better than that.


And... thank you for the kind words mamarama.
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Re: My FOO has caught the crazy bug :/

Postby foxmanb » Mon Oct 30, 2017 11:24 am

It had been quiet up until Friday... not so DM sent DD a package, we considered returning it, throwing it away, etc, but we didn't. We feel like we need to allow DD to to make those choices for herself.

Anyway.. We checked the package and card first to make sure there wasn't anything inappropriate, we didn't find anything. She had sent a few material items, and a halloween card, with $ in it. She's never sent her a halloween card with $ in it before, and a note saying "I know you said you needed a break from me, I hope it's OK that I sent this"...

I can only surmise that this is some kind of manipulative attempt on her part to get our daughter to speak to her, knowing we have raised her to write Thank you notes etc. My gut tells me she's doing this to try and get our daughter to be on friendly terms with her, so she can feel forgiven/vindicated/etc, and bypass the parents. I feel like my gut was right because in the reply DD received for her thank you email, it said something to the effect of "Thank you SO much for letting me know you received this". her email to DD is "blocked", all mail from her goes to spam where we can check it first and make sure it's appropriate. We don't want to make "the" decision for DD, but at the same time, it's hard to stand on the sidelines when you feel like someone is manipulating them.

We're debating whether we should just send crap back when she sends it from now on.

Any thoughts from anyone who's been in a similar situation? When we dealt with DW's family issues, DD was an infant, and couldn't make her own decisions.
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Re: My FOO has caught the crazy bug :/

Postby PutMILinherplace » Fri Nov 03, 2017 6:07 pm

Since you asked for an opinion, :wink:

I would send EVERYTHING back. I don't remember how old your DD is but if she is underage, block everything. I would encourage her to ignore completely. I am afraid you just taught this woman that if she sends money or the right kind of gift, she can worm her way back in. You would be wise to go NC and stay that way permanently. Explain to your DD that you had a temporary lapse in judgement but realized it was very foolish of you to have anything to do with an abusive person.

My view is, its ok to make the decision for someone if you don't feel they are not able to protect themselves against the abuse.

And this was one time NOT sending a thank you note would have been totally appropriate.
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