My FOO has caught the crazy bug :/

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My FOO has caught the crazy bug :/

Postby foxmanb » Sun Jan 22, 2017 6:15 pm

So my mom has been really odd towards me since the election, she is very far left, and abhors anyone who didn't vote Hillary, I didn't vote Hillary, but I didn't vote Trump either... she had asked for DD this weekend, she usually went over once a month so we didn't think anything of it.. About mid week DW says "I wonder if she's trying to take her to that march on DC this weekend", I thought, Naaah, she'd ask before she tried to do something like that... Then we overhear another convo where my mom asks DD to bring her women's suffrage necklace... At that point we're kind of thinking, shit, the crazy old bat is really going to try this. One of DD's hermit crabs died Thurs nite, and she was complaining that she didn't want to go to Grammy's house, so I called to cancel and finally after asking for the 3rd time, my mom tells me that she, my brother, and other family were going to the Women's march downtown, and they were going to take our daughter. WTF?!?! This same woman who has preached choice to me my whole life has tried to deny myself, wife, and child our choice. I called her out on it and told her that she doesn't have any right to do that, she claims she takes our daughter wherever she wants when she's over, and she never tells us, which is solid BS, we always know where they are going...

So I call my brother to vent, and he has the audacity to tell me that they planned it behind my back because they "knew" I would say no, and this is the reaction they would get. so these a-holes "knew" parents would say no, but decided somehow they had the right to do it anyway?!?! I'm told by him that this isn't a big deal, and I shouldn't make a big deal about it, mom does so much for me (bs) etc etc. I told him he was wrong, they should have asked, they could have invited my wife as well, and that our daughter would not be attending. He has the nerve to tell me "We don't know where your wife stands politically" to which I replied "if either of you had bothered to try to get to know her over the past 10 years you might have a better idea". He asks again if DD can go with them, I tell him no, and that's that for the conversation.

He calls me back on Friday night, and once again tries to get me to allow our daughter to go (Doing mommy's bidding), I tell him no, that we do not appreciate them trying to go behind our backs like that, and that I had not spoken to one person about it who thought "Yeah, that's an OK thing to do behind a parent's back". He flips out and starts screaming at me for a minute straight about how I'm an ungrateful POS, control freak, he doesn't give a F what any of my friends think about it, this, that, and the other, then says Fyou, good luck before he hangs up. I had no idea my family was so F'd up. It's a huge violation in trust, and even if they apologized tomorrow, I would not leave our daughter alone in their care. They think I have something to apologize for, so we'll probably never speak again, which is fine.

We told DD what was going on, and as soon as we get to the part about them wanting to take her to the march her response was "Shouldn't they have asked you all if that's OK?" BOOM. A 9 1/2 yr old gets it. I'm so glad we caught it before it happened. I do not want to explain to my 9yr old what pussy means, fuck, etc, all things she would have picked up downtown. We took her to a rally in our home city where there was a much more inspirational message, they spoke a lot about famous women in history, and how they can all do great things.

I just can't believe my family is so f'd up.... Needless to say we're done, they can apologize at some point, and we could see where things go from there, but things will NEVER be the same. Trust is one of those things that takes years to build and seconds to destroy. That being said, they will never apologize, they don't feel they are in the wrong. What they wanted trumps what the parents wanted.
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Re: My FOO has caught the crazy bug :/

Postby Hiddenjem » Sun Jan 22, 2017 6:55 pm

Isn't it sad that your daughter understands the situation and your family sees it as doing what they want despite breaking the trust with you and your wife! Plus, she showed disrespect for you both as parents! I see some deep betrayal and lack of support going on.

The true colors of your family are flying like a flag! I can see how they broke you and your wife's trust.

I am proud of your daughter. She is one smart cookie! :D
"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou
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Re: My FOO has caught the crazy bug :/

Postby blue iris » Sun Jan 22, 2017 10:20 pm

Wow, just, wow! Even if you or your wife agreed with the march/rally, it wasn't the kind of thing to which you take a 9 year old! I wouldn't want to have to explain some of those words to my grandson either. Your family has really crossed the line now, to try doing something like this behind your back. Gee, I worry about giving my grandson an extra cookie! I agree that they have broken their trust, I don't think I could trust them alone with my child again.
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Re: My FOO has caught the crazy bug :/

Postby Melody » Mon Jan 23, 2017 9:21 am

WOW!!

I AM a Hillary supporter, I've worked indirectly with Trump (94-95 and EVERYONE who spoke with him described him using an adjective that started with an "a" and ended in "HOLE").

With that said, your MIL was SOOOOOOOO off base and inappropriate! WRONG WRONG WRONG! She potentially put your daughter in DANGER!

SLAP SLAP SLAP! Never again!!!
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Re: My FOO has caught the crazy bug :/

Postby jigglypuff » Mon Jan 23, 2017 10:28 am

I'm with Blue Iris, that isn't the sort of place you take a child to. If she were an older teen/young adult, that would make more sense to me. They are insistent on inculcating their views onto her which I find unsettling.

What they are doing is very calculating and underhanded. I also don't get people when it comes to politics. People are so over the top it's ridiculous. Why can't we all respect each other's povs? I was not a supporter of any candidate this election and I don't label myself into any party. I am very neutral when it comes to politics so I don't get all the hate and division over it, especially when it comes to family. I think people who behave this way are disturbed which says a lot about our society.

He flips out and starts screaming at me for a minute straight about how I'm an ungrateful POS, control freak, he doesn't give a F what any of my friends think about it, this, that, and the other, then says Fyou, good luck before he hangs up.


Your brother is showing you that there is a lot more going on than you realize. That was a very odd, overdramatic reaction to the situation. He called you "ungrateful" and a "control freak" which translates to, " I have had an issue with you for years. You just didn't know it". Sounds like your family isn't being honest and open with you about how they feel.

I replied "if either of you had bothered to try to get to know her over the past 10 years you might have a better idea"


Glad you stuck up for your wife but why haven't they bothered to get to know her? Like I said, they have had issues with you two for many years but don't want to be confrontational about it so they're probably judging and talking shit behind your backs. You are wise not trust them.

Your DD sounds like a clever kid who has more sense in her little pinky than your entire family put together.
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Re: My FOO has caught the crazy bug :/

Postby mamarama » Mon Jan 23, 2017 10:54 am

WOW. they didn't just cross the line, they mowed it down with a bush hog. They were planning on deliberately deceiving you about what they were doing with your daughter and where they would take her. It's almost unbelievable that someone would do that -- almost. They have the biggest set of balls I've ever heard of. I wonder if that could be seen as kidnapping in the eyes of the law...

They can apologize until they're blue in the face, but so what. that doesn't change who they are and the entitlement they feel when it comes to your daughter, and the fact that they have zero, zilch, respect for you as dd's parents or for you personally. From your description of your mother, she sounds like an intolerant bigot (and I'm sure she is a self-proclaimed tolerant person).

"starts screaming at me for a minute straight about how I'm an ungrateful POS, control freak, he doesn't give a F what any of my friends think about it, this, that, and the other, then says Fyou, good luck before he hangs up." And he thinks you'd let him have any kind of a relationship with your dd whatsoever after that rant?!? pffft. He's detached from reality. They sound very impetuous and childish, and that's just the tip of the iceberg.

Add to all of that the fact that demonstrations, no matter how peacefully intended, can erupt into a riot at any point in time, especially when emotions are running so high, and they were willing to put your daughter in a situation where there was a risk that she could get hurt or see some things that a 9 YO shouldn't see or hear. Combine the lack of judgment with the disrespect she shows you as dd's parents, and you have a perfect recipe for a CO. At the very least, you can never, ever leave dd in their care unsupervised. EVER. To say they are untrustworthy is the understatement of the year.

You know, of course they'll call you at some point, try to sweep their behavior under the rug and act like nothing has happened. How do you plan on handling that? I, personally, would cut those crazies off for good. They'll try to pull a similar stunt in the future, it's just who they are. First time, shame on them. Second time, shame on you.

Edited to add
"she claims she takes our daughter wherever she wants when she's over, and she never tells us, which is solid BS, we always know where they are going..." Are you sure you always know where they're going? I can guarantee you this isn't the first time your mom, bro, whoever, has tried to pull a stunt like this. And by flat-out telling you that she hides from you what she does with your daughter is outrageous. If she feels she has to keep it a secret, she shouldn't be doing it. And I'm sure she tells dd not to tell her parents about what they do together, so now you have grandma encouraging your dd to lie to her parents and teaching her that it's ok.

There are so many things wrong with this scenario it makes my head spin.
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Re: My FOO has caught the crazy bug :/

Postby WatchingMyBack » Mon Jan 23, 2017 11:33 am

There is so much wrong with this. They believe it is "okay" to take your daughter places or have her subjected to their own world views behind the back of the parents simply because they "don't know where your DW" stands on this?

Clearly there are at least 4 issues going on in just that one sentence, if not more.

They've broken your trust. They've broken your DW's trust. They've broken your DD's trust. From this point forward, you can never fully believe what they say, what their motivations are or what "secrets" they will coerce your DD to keep.

I was utterly appalled by what I saw during these "peaceful" rallies (and the huge amount of garbage left behind for someone else to clean up, thank you very much). The vitriol and hate would not be something I'd want my impressionable 9 1/2 year old to experience, regardless of my political beliefs.
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Re: My FOO has caught the crazy bug :/

Postby foxmanb » Mon Jan 23, 2017 2:51 pm

Thank you Thank you Thank you for the kind words.

I'll try to address some comments here:
**"starts screaming at me for a minute straight about how I'm an ungrateful POS, control freak, he doesn't give a F what any of my friends think about it, this, that, and the other, then says Fyou, good luck before he hangs up." And he thinks you'd let him have any kind of a relationship with your dd whatsoever after that rant?!? pffft. He's detached from reality. They sound very impetuous and childish, and that's just the tip of the iceberg.**

The best part is, DD heard all of this, she was in the living room and could hear him screaming over the phone, she wants nothing to do with him. Yeah, it is just the tip of the iceberg ;).

**They can apologize until they're blue in the face, but so what. that doesn't change who they are and the entitlement they feel when it comes to your daughter, and the fact that they have zero, zilch, respect for you as dd's parents or for you personally. From your description of your mother, she sounds like an intolerant bigot (and I'm sure she is a self-proclaimed tolerant person). **

Agreed - but we all know they will never apologize, they don't believe they have done anything wrong. Even if they did, then what? DD doesn't feel safe with them, DW and I no longer trust them. Ha, it's kind of funny, but they are fine with your political views as long as they are aligned with theirs, if you start to stray off that path, you are an idiot, a moron, redneck, etc etc.

** and you have a perfect recipe for a CO. At the very least, you can never, ever leave dd in their care unsupervised. EVER. To say they are untrustworthy is the understatement of the year. **

DW and I are talking about this... the CO part. Agreed - she can never be left with them again, things will NEVER be the same. **

** "she claims she takes our daughter wherever she wants when she's over, and she never tells us, which is solid BS, we always know where they are going..." Are you sure you always know where they're going? I can guarantee you this isn't the first time your mom, bro, whoever, has tried to pull a stunt like this. And by flat-out telling you that she hides from you what she does with your daughter is outrageous. If she feels she has to keep it a secret, she shouldn't be doing it. And I'm sure she tells dd not to tell her parents about what they do together, so now you have grandma encouraging your dd to lie to her parents and teaching her that it's ok. **

DW and I had a conversation similar to this wondering what they would have done if they had pulled it off? Would it have been flaunted, or would they have told DD that it was "their little secret", either way not acceptable, and they had to know that this was end game either way. We did talk to DD and make sure that she hasn't taken her any place like that, anyplace unsafe, rallies, etc, and according to DD she has not. We asked her if she has ever been asked to keep a secret from us, etc, she said she has not - she is pissed at both of them, we believe her.


**Your brother is showing you that there is a lot more going on than you realize. That was a very odd, overdramatic reaction to the situation. He called you "ungrateful" and a "control freak" which translates to, " I have had an issue with you for years. You just didn't know it". Sounds like your family isn't being honest and open with you about how they feel. **

Yes, I think there was more going on in the background. I know not so DM has been quite unhappy with some of the parenting decisions we've made, allowing DD to get her ears pierced at 8 1/2, allowing her to play with makeup at home (she cannot wear it out of the house), etc. DD researched ear piercing for 6 months, watched the procedures, etc etc, we felt she was old enough to make that decision for herself - and that had always been the plan, to wait until she asked. My not so DM took it upon herself to buy DD a book which talked about menstruation before DW and I ever had a chance to talk to DD about it. not so DM would take DD out to get her hair cut and DD would come home with her hair chopped off, not so DM swore it was DD's decision, but before she left that weekend DD was talking about how she wanted to grow her hair long... then she makes a comment that "Grandma says long hair looks straggly on girls, but not short hair". There have definitely been some control issues there. She was ever so pissed at me when I informed her DD would not be getting her hair cut with her anymore.

** Glad you stuck up for your wife but why haven't they bothered to get to know her? Like I said, they have had issues with you two for many years but don't want to be confrontational about it so they're probably judging and talking shit behind your backs. You are wise not trust them. **

very good question and one I do not have an answer for. not so DM was nice to DW in the beginning, but that slowly changed. not so DM and not so DB are very close (to the point I would freely make comments about him being her favorite son), and talk about everything, so yes, I'm sure they have talked plenty of shit behind our backs. I have contacted and informed relatives we are close with about what has gone on, told them we fully expect to be cut out of holidays, etc, and to please not believe the hype when they start running their mouths.

Regardless of what happens, DD will never be left alone with them again, and won't be in contact unless she wants to. DW is free, she never has to deal with this crap again, I could never ask her to. As for myself, if they sincerely apologize, I might have contact with them, but things will NEVER be the same... and lets be realistic, they aren't going to apologize, they will treat it as if I have wronged them.

Thank you all for the support.
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Re: My FOO has caught the crazy bug :/

Postby PutMILinherplace » Mon Jan 23, 2017 11:50 pm

Glad to hear you will never trust them alone with her again. I wouldn't even let her go out for ice cream with them. This is harmful behavior for your child and your family. They are purposely undermining you. Be thankful you found out while your child was young and not when she was a teen and harm had already been done. I would defiantly go NC at this point; no holidays, birthdays etc. When they complain you can tell them you are the parent and that is that, hang up the phone. You owe them NOTHING; not an excuse or reason. Man I am just so pi**ed even reading about this!

she claims she takes our daughter wherever she wants when she's over, and she never tells us


If you hear this again thank her for her honestly and you can tell her those days are certainly over. She will be speechless :lol:

Side note: I would monitor all social media for your dd and block all FOO from hers and your accounts.
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Re: My FOO has caught the crazy bug :/

Postby rubycrownedkinglet » Tue Jan 24, 2017 2:54 pm

I understand why you are so upset and I don't even have kids!

It's not about where they were going to take your DD or why you don't approve, it's about a lack of respect for YOU and an infuriating sense of entitlement to make choices involving your DD that intentionally exclude you.

That's not acceptable in any family anywhere, because at it's very core is deception. What an insult to your rights and your competence as a parent!
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Re: My FOO has caught the crazy bug :/

Postby bsfighter1 » Sat Feb 04, 2017 10:21 am

Your brother and mother are nuts. Nuff said. Drop the mic.

I'm bsfighter1 of the Non-political Party, and I approve this message.
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Re: My FOO has caught the crazy bug :/

Postby PutMILinherplace » Mon Feb 06, 2017 3:57 pm

IWhen someone is sooo fanatical about getting your kid alone without you, you defiantly need to be aware. My brother, a militant atheist, married another militant atheist. They were constantly trying to get my daughters alone for the weekend. My brother was one of those types who thought everyone should be allowed their own views....as long as they agreed with him. He was horribly intolerant of mine & my DH 's lifestyle. He made it clear , with some very colorful language how stupid he thought we were. When my eldest was just learning to talk he tried to teach her to say god d*mn because he thought it would be great for a toddler to go to Sunday School and say that. Of course he didn't care how it would make us look or the fact that some parents would not want their kids hanging around ours because their kids might pick up the bad language. He thought that was great. He told me he hoped my children would grow up rejecting Christ.

His then GF would bug us every time they saw us about how they would LOVE to babysit and how I really needed a break and how they would be happy to help us. I was very over protective at the time due to dealing with my narcissist, abusive MIL and didn't feel like dealing with my own brother's and gf's narcissist, toxic personalities. She even tried to enlist the help of my sister and mother. My mother, who only knew a bit of the hell I was going through with my MIL at the time, let her know on no uncertain terms to drop the matter. I was very particular who watched my kids. Of course the GF whined to about how she could take care of kids fine. My mother, God bless her, told her how the h*ll would she know anything about taking of kids. She was an only child, and had never even been around kids. Of course ticked the gf & my brother off. It got to the point where they were asking several times a week. My sister, who is pretty laid back, even got fed up with them asking all the time. There were other problems with them both as well; some illegal.

When I went NC with my MIL I decided to go NC with a bunch of toxic people. I swept the house clean; my MIL, bio dad, 2 friends and my brother & his wife all were cut off. As much as I loved my brother, he was danger to the spiritual well being of my children, and he and his soon to be wife were both very toxic individuals. To this day, we all wonder what he and his wife had planned that they wanted my children so bad. It makes me sick even thinking about it.

NEVER trust someone who tries so hard to get your kids alone without you. In your case you already know your family is untrustworthy. Take them at their word. Don't trust them. Frankly, if you are asking for advice (or permission) , I would cut them out of your & your child's life. This the perfect time. Change your phone number, ignore all requests, I wouldn't even let the brother around for any reason. You are the wall of protection for your child. If you falter, you now know there is no one to help you.
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Re: My FOO has caught the crazy bug :/

Postby jigglypuff » Wed Feb 08, 2017 5:48 pm

I'm bsfighter1 of the Non-political Party, and I approve this message.


:lol: @Bsfighter
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Re: My FOO has caught the crazy bug :/

Postby foxmanb » Tue Jun 27, 2017 12:39 pm

So an update on this one. I've continued to not contact either of them. Maybe a month ago not so DM emailed DD and asked if she could come to a neighborhood party she was having. We'd told DD that she could see them if she wanted, we would arrange it, but that she would not be left unsupervised with them. She understood.

So she replied to not so DM's email that she might like to come, and asked if not so dear uncle would be there, as she didn't want to see him. They were good to go. Plan was for DW and I to sit in the car and wait for her, no biggie. A day or two before the party, DD decided she didn't want to go, she emailed her grandma and (I think in an attempt to not draw her ire) told her that she'd forgotten about a birthday party that day, and wouldn't be able to make the party. The plan was to do the bday party and then take her to her grandma's party...

Well, grandma flipped out at DD not wanting to go, and replied to her email Thanks foxmanb. I guess she thinks I'm running that email acct, or pulling strings. I don't know..

We go to the bday party, have a great time, and then come home to DD's stuff from grandma's house on our porch, sewing machine, some other stuff. Apparently that night DD emailed her to ask why her stuff was left on our porch. Grandma's reply was priceless. She told DD that they "have not been allowed to see each other" for the last 6 months, and that DD's parents are punishing her for allowing DD to pick her own haircut a yr and a half ago, and that we are using our DD's visitation as a weapon against her.

She proceeds to tell her that she's not sure DD receives her email or regular mail... Well Duh, if she wasn't getting your mail, she would not have gotten the invite to the neighborhood party.

Next she tells DD to please contact her when she can pick who she wants to talk to.

Bless DD's heart, she replied that her parent's aren't punishing her, but that they tried to take her some place without her parents knowing, and that wasn't OK. She also told her that it was her choice to go or not go to the neighborhood party, and that she choose not to. She also mentioned that she didn't think they should see each other any time soon, and maybe in the future they could talk about what happened.

After that, DD brought the email chain to our attention. She was livid that we were being accused of doing something that was not true.

I'm glad DW and I felt she was old enough to have the situation explained to her, because she knows what happened, there is no question, and when she receives a crazy email like that, she know's it's not true.

Needless to say we've blocked email now. Not so DM should not be trying to put DD in the middle of it saying we're mad at her because she let DD choose her own haircut. DD has enough issues with this whole thing, and doesn't need to feel like she did something wrong.


Thinking back, my mom has always been a master at changing the narrative, I shouldn't be surprised by any of this... too bad for her DD was armed with the truth.
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Re: My FOO has caught the crazy bug :/

Postby IrishLass » Wed Jun 28, 2017 2:49 pm

That so sucks for your daughter, sounds like she has a great "head on her shoulders". It just sucks that her extended family act like toddlers when they do not get their way. Good for you on raising a thoughtful child though!
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