Well, things with DH seemed to have been on a reasonable keel for a while, with the occasional MIL-like narc episodes that I could overlook. Now we've seemed to have hit a big bump in the road and I've taken step 1 and gotten the name and number of a good divorce attorney.
As I've posted before, DH has a weird and inappropriate emotional relationship with another man that lives in another country (a client ). This goes beyond their just being friends and it has a very creepy undertone (this is the guy that is about 5' tall, 100 lbs and has expressed his transgender tendencies to our employees during a visit (he's been here 3 times, staying at our house for weeks at a time).
DH and this guy Skype most every day, several times a day discussing one hair brained business scheme after another. They all seem to blow up with DH dumping lots of time and money into something that doesn't pan out, and Friend disappears for weeks, not responding to DH's pleas for help to resolve problems or even acknowledge contact.
Yet the minute Friend gets in touch with DH, they're right back at it with another new scheme.
The breaking point for me (and there have been so many times I have been right up to the line) came Monday. A milestone birthday for DH is Friday. He is NOT happy about it and has been particularly nasty with comments about how we married too young (23) and had our kids too young and what burden it all has been.
Over the years, anytime that any of the DC (especially ODS) or I have given DH a birthday gift, he expresses his displeasure and makes us RETURN it by refusing to accept it. He stopped giving me cards for any occasion years ago because they're a "waste of money".
Now, every year Friend sends DH a gift. DH keeps the gift.
On Monday DH received a box with HEARTS and WITH LOVE all over it. Inside is a coffee mug that says "I'm So Lonely Without You". This is a gift to him from Friend.
I tell him that this is so wildly inappropriate and what exactly does Friend think the nature of their relationship is? DH's response is "I didn't ask for this." Odd response. I told him I hope he plans to return it (Amazon), which he says he is. When I asked him if Friend believes they have a romantic relationship, he replies "I don't know what he thinks". (wrong answer #2, in my opinion)
He takes the box to our office, but doesn't bring it inside. Yesterday morning, I see the coffee mug sitting on a shelf near our break room. I pick it up, show it to DH and ask "I thought you were going to return this?" Well, let me tell you, he was trembling with RAGE that I asked him this question and he grabs the mug and starts shaking it in the air and shouts "I'll show you what I'll do with this JUST SO YOU'LL STOP ABOUT IT." And dramatically throws it into the trash can near his desk. All of this in front of several of our employees, who are standing there dumbfounded.
I am beyond appalled at his behavior and I feel that CLEARLY that relationship with Friend is MORE important to him than his relationship with me. Am I wrong?
So the rest of the day, I pretty much had nothing to say to him other than to answer a direct question about something work related.
Two other Red Flags as well:
A vendor was in the other day and said her husband was cheating on her and she asked DH if he knew a good divorce attorney. DH said he got the name from a guy with a "real shark" attorney that "screwed his wife over big time", even though he was the one cheating. I asked DH who that attorney was and I'm telling you, if you could have seen the deer in the headlights look on his face. His answer? "I don't remember." Obviously, he wants to keep that name for his own use.
The other flag is we had an appointment with an accountant yesterday because DH isn't happy with the account that we've had for the last 25 years (a recurring theme that he isn't happy with ANYBODY he has known for a long time). I'm not sure why I was even there, as it was all related to DH and the offer he has from someone to buy his business. At the end of meeting, DH says "Oh, I have something I'd like to speak to you about that doesn't concern my wife and I'd rather she leave the room "for her protection".
WTF? They spoke maybe another 15 minutes.
I pretty much haven't had anything to say to him since then. Made dinner last night, ate in silence. Went to bed early and was surprised he slept in the same room (very careful to stay on HIS side of bed with his back to me, which is his typical passive aggressive way.)
ODS and YDS are coming in this weekend for DH's birthday (again, I've heard nothing but complaints about that). I'm looking forward to seeing them and GS. Come Monday morning, I think I need to make an appointment with this attorney (a friend of mine had her own "bull dog" divorce attorney because of a cheating husband and she gave me his name and number this morning). She said I should get in to seem him right away just so that if this is the same person DH has the name of, he won't be able to work with him if he has already consulted with me.
Ugh, makes me sick the whole thing. New house being built, two upcoming international trips. what a mess.